A Plea to You

I'm still feeling tense... But baby, I want you to know all that I feel and think and I need you to talk to me too. Because I remember that we've always been able to talk through here, through words typed or written. It's much easier to choose words carefully and say what you actually mean this way. And I know at times that it is hard for you to voice your feelings as well.

Things with us have gone at lightning speed. We are young, we are still growing up. I've seen that it is very hard at times for you to adjust to a hectic schedule at work. That we've never really had the time to enjoy each other the way others do when they are near and date and have time to grow before embarking on the journey to adulthood. But time is insufficient now, and we have a child to raise now. We need to be responsible now.

We're having this baby, and I couldn't be happier. I know that you will be an amazing father and that you will love our baby with all your heart. But each day I think about how young I am.

About how if I had been more mature, I would have thought carefully about what I really have to offer a child and what I want to offer. Our baby will have everything he/she needs. Clothes, food, shelter and love. All the essentials. And I know that it will not bother me in the least to work crazy long hours in order to give the baby everything I had and more.

But each day I'm home waiting for you. Trying to fix our home so that you will know that I care, that I want you to see I can be a good wife to you. I'm not the best house wife. Hell, I can be really lazy. So I try.

I want you to come home and smell nice scents, and see food on the table. I want you to be able to relax when you get home because I know that working full time is hard. If it were just you and me, I could live there forever. I could live with you in a box and I'd be happy as I could ever be. All I ever wanted was to be with you. I prayed for this for years. I know you love me, because you came here away from everything you love and know for me.

I know it's hard for you when you know a birthday went by and you weren't there. When you know that you have a new brother and he won't know you for a while.

But everything I'm suggesting for us will lead us there one day baby. I don't want to be in Tennessee forever. I hate this place too. It's boring and doesn't offer much. Except for nice people and an inexpensive environment.

Everything baby, that I will do now, will be for our baby. For our family. I will bust my ass to ensure that we are settled enough to provide for ourselves and our baby. Everything I am doing right now, will lead us close to home. So we can share with our families. Just trust me baby. There is nothing in my life I haven't been able to accomplish when I set my mind to it.

We need to be on the same page though, because I'm not the only person in this marriage.

I asked mom for this huge favor. I asked her to let us back in after we gave her such a bad attitude. Not just you but me. I basically told her to fuck off when we moved. And still she was there helping us settle in. Gracious enough to give us plenty of furniture and essentials we needed so we'd be OK.

I'm asking to move back in because I know for a fact that we won't save a penny where we are now. Should anything happen with you at work baby, we will be OK with her. I know she is a pain in the ass baby. She is very opinionated and I know the way she handles things can drive you up the wall.

But baby, she has tried to give you and I as much as she could to help us. She doesn't have much, but what she does have she shares with us. She is offering an opportunity.

We can save money baby. So far we haven't been able to offer our baby anything. We can't even afford to get you taken care of at the doctor. We can do all the things we need to baby, we can pay for you to be treated. We can save for our baby. I can go to school. We can start over and establish ourselves enough to move to VA in a couple of years baby.

I don't want to keep you far away from your family. I know you miss them very much, as I would if I had left. But I know that we can do this baby. Just give me the opportunity to show you that things aren't the same as before. Circumstances aren't the same as before.

Remember what was happening before baby. Mom was just left broken hearted. We were leaving messes all over the place. I was working double shifts everyday and I was too tired to care. Things have gotten better. Mom is settled down, dad is in his own place. Jorge and mom can help us with the baby.

I know you don't want to cut the grass on your off day. I know you don't want to hear lectures. But the grass doesn't need cutting every single day. Jorge lives here too. He can cut the grass too. I will keep our space clean. I'm not working anymore.

Give me the opportunity to spend time with our baby before going back to work. Talk to us when something bothers you. You need to talk.

I feel like I'm repeating myself here. I'm just really stressing now. Either way, we will need to make sacrifices either way. Just let me know what your thoughts are. Talk to me please.