|^\_}{{}}{~*You cant*~}{{}}{_/^|

You cant live if youre still afraid to die,
If youre afraid to fall, you'll never learn to fly
If youre afraid to see, you'll never open your eyes
Youll never triumph unless youre willing to try

You can't feel unless you open up your heart
You can't finish until you decide to start
Cant value the beauty of life until you realize its a work of art
Can't tell how strong you are until you overcome and arent torn apart

If youre afraid to hurt you'll never find true love
If youre afraid to fight, how can you rise above
If youre cant face it, how can you defeat what youre afraid of
If you want to live, all you need to do is fall in love.

Defy Obstacles, control destiny...

I sat there by the light post, admiring the place that holds my past, my childhood. Observing the occurrences of all that surrounded me. Like a painting, engraved in my mind. The trees were bare in slumber, waiting for winter to end, waiting for the morning that they could once again awaken. The grass appeared lifeless, dull green, like the trees, dormant through the winter. The sounds of kids playing football and soccer fill the cold icy breeze, as cars of all kinds raced back and forth through the road infront of me. The houses across the street were calm and silent, warm and inviting. I waited for my ride with thoughts that rushed through me, about my past, my future, responsibilities suddenly I felt I had. I remembered those I once befriended, that now are nothing more than strangers. I remembered those I took for granted, that are now my greatest treasure. I remembered my irrepairable mistakes and my attempts to rectify them. Memories burned in me, memories I seemed to be reading from a book that will not end until I myself am no more. I look ahead and see myself, accomplishing anything I please. I see myself ahead, the fear is and will always be in the back of my mind, always there. I leave in body, but my heart stays here with my treasure. I leave but will come back to make my life complete. Who knows what tomorrow may bring. But I am certain, when you want something badly enough, when you have strength and determination, when you think you can, YOU CAN. And so here I look upon adulthood, my work cut out for me. Here I look my obstacles in the eyes and defy them. Life won't bring me down. Destiny is but a test with choices; choices that let me decide the direction my life will go in. So here goes.

Afraid of this fear.....

I remember all the times I have spent with you and how you made me feel. But I remember too how time goes faster and a greater distance than the one we have endured so far will separate us. I am afraid of looking into the sky and not believing that it is the same sky you look into each day. I am afraid that this distance will overwhelm you, and that when you need me, you wont have me there. I am afraid that time will fill your mind with doubts that will weaken our relationship. There is so much of life you still have yet to experience. Love can be cruel, it is fragile and can break if you arent strong enough. I fear remembering how I felt in your arms, kissing your lips, looking into your eyes, and feeling pain knowing that it may be years before I see you once more, if our love holds true. I fear crying each night, as I am now, thinking of you. I pretend I am fine, my parents dont know me. I hurt more than ever now. You are the only one I will ever love this way, the one Id love to spend the rest of my life with. I swear it, I will never leave you. I will always love you. Words are easily said, but I will show you. I love you so much. You have become a part of me, a part of soul, a part of my heart, and without you, Id be empty. I am afraid of this fear. And ill just pretend, that all that time apart will be like one long day, that will end with the sight of you. I'll come back baby. :'(

Reply for the piece you wrote on August 8th.

I read what you wrote and almost cried. I felt bad before about leaving you once, and there in your words I saw that what I did to you was worse than I thought. I thought I only hurt you a bit at first, that I was the one that hurt more. I felt that my actions only resulted in a disadvantage to me, that you were fine. You had this way of looking like nothing bothered you all the time. You are indeed very good at hiding the emotions that you feel the deepest. I left you with words that made no sense to me, words that through foggy thinking, made me believe for a second that after a while you would come back to me. Somehow, we drifted apart, it happened so fast, I cant remember what happened when. Before I knew it, you were with someone else and I was too. It struck me that i would never be able to face you again. To ask you to love me again. I devoted myself to a stranger, someone who I knew in my heart wasnt for me. Everything in life has its consequences. Even though this new person made me smile, and we shared moments that I can never take back no matter how much I wish I could: you were always there, in my mind. I regret with all my heart sharing time with that stranger, I thought I knew him, but I knew nothing. I knew nothing when I thought I was thinking most clearly. Ignorance is bliss, but when you open your eyes, reality really slaps you very suddenly. I was lost, confused, and so very alone in the end. I think now that I deserved that. I was alone until I found you again. I shared the fall with you. regretably, the winter and spring with another. And here we are again; and so far, we've undergone summer, fall and winter. I tell you from my soul that I look forward to spring, summer, fall and winter with you for years to come. If I would have known that this was the way I made you feel, I would have helped you see through all of that confusion clearly. I would have let you know that you are not the one who closed the chapter in your life in which I was more than just a friend. That it was me and my inablitity to distinguish what I really felt. You have always been more than enough for me, even when we were apart. Everything I did was a mistake, until I sought out for you once again. I needed you so much. I knew you still felt for me. I knew you did the entire time. The one feeling you werent able to hide from me. I felt for you, and I didnt understand it. You were there for me in my darkest hours. I love you so much. I love loving you and that you love me too. I have been trying to explain to myself what had happened, I couldnt find the right questions until I read your words. Those words that have tormented me for months now. I read them again today and finally found the words I could have used to answer your questions if I knew what you felt back then. So here it is, my reply for those emotions I put in your heart. Te amo.

ThOuGhTs

ITs like reading a hundred stories all at once,
Some glad, some sad, some mad, and some not bad,
Seeing together my destiny and my wishful wants,
But all in life cannot be had.

Its like drowning in a sea of memories,
Some dark and some veru pleasant,
Memories that burn like stinging bees,
Memories that seem so heaven sent.

Its like falling down an endless tunnel,
Slipping into life's set trap,
A journey long and unpredictable,
No compass or a guiding map.

Its looking back on the greatest masterpiece of all,
The shadows of yeasterday printed in my mind,
Learning from mistakes and standing tall,
Forced to look ahead althought Im blind.

Free WrItInG

SO im writing basically about anything that comes into my mind. I just saw the title of my blog and realized I never explained it. You know that phrase, YO mama? Well in my house, its Joe mama, that is my mom's nick name. I am a lot like my mother, so everyone at home just calls me little joe. Hmmm, what else. I decorated for x mas here in my house. I put up a very nice little christmas village, and my christmas tree. Im going to put sum lights outside, and a display of the birth of jesus. My baby got to go ice skating today. (ur a lucky mutha baby)!! hahaha j/k. N E ways, my sister is being a butt munch. She has a friend who is always with her never leaves her side. She moved out about a month ago, and hasnt called us or been over to visit us enough. It is like she completely abandoned us. She went ice skating with that b!--(#. She knows i have wanted to do that since i was little and she didnt even bother to invite me. Oh well, too bad, lets see who will have her back when her stupid friend leaves her alone. Not me. Any ways. Im real bored. I miss my baby. I wish i could be there with him right now. *sigh* Well atleast I know I will see him soon. I cant wait.