|^\_}{{}}{~*You cant*~}{{}}{_/^|

You cant live if youre still afraid to die,
If youre afraid to fall, you'll never learn to fly
If youre afraid to see, you'll never open your eyes
Youll never triumph unless youre willing to try

You can't feel unless you open up your heart
You can't finish until you decide to start
Cant value the beauty of life until you realize its a work of art
Can't tell how strong you are until you overcome and arent torn apart

If youre afraid to hurt you'll never find true love
If youre afraid to fight, how can you rise above
If youre cant face it, how can you defeat what youre afraid of
If you want to live, all you need to do is fall in love.

Defy Obstacles, control destiny...

I sat there by the light post, admiring the place that holds my past, my childhood. Observing the occurrences of all that surrounded me. Like a painting, engraved in my mind. The trees were bare in slumber, waiting for winter to end, waiting for the morning that they could once again awaken. The grass appeared lifeless, dull green, like the trees, dormant through the winter. The sounds of kids playing football and soccer fill the cold icy breeze, as cars of all kinds raced back and forth through the road infront of me. The houses across the street were calm and silent, warm and inviting. I waited for my ride with thoughts that rushed through me, about my past, my future, responsibilities suddenly I felt I had. I remembered those I once befriended, that now are nothing more than strangers. I remembered those I took for granted, that are now my greatest treasure. I remembered my irrepairable mistakes and my attempts to rectify them. Memories burned in me, memories I seemed to be reading from a book that will not end until I myself am no more. I look ahead and see myself, accomplishing anything I please. I see myself ahead, the fear is and will always be in the back of my mind, always there. I leave in body, but my heart stays here with my treasure. I leave but will come back to make my life complete. Who knows what tomorrow may bring. But I am certain, when you want something badly enough, when you have strength and determination, when you think you can, YOU CAN. And so here I look upon adulthood, my work cut out for me. Here I look my obstacles in the eyes and defy them. Life won't bring me down. Destiny is but a test with choices; choices that let me decide the direction my life will go in. So here goes.

Afraid of this fear.....

I remember all the times I have spent with you and how you made me feel. But I remember too how time goes faster and a greater distance than the one we have endured so far will separate us. I am afraid of looking into the sky and not believing that it is the same sky you look into each day. I am afraid that this distance will overwhelm you, and that when you need me, you wont have me there. I am afraid that time will fill your mind with doubts that will weaken our relationship. There is so much of life you still have yet to experience. Love can be cruel, it is fragile and can break if you arent strong enough. I fear remembering how I felt in your arms, kissing your lips, looking into your eyes, and feeling pain knowing that it may be years before I see you once more, if our love holds true. I fear crying each night, as I am now, thinking of you. I pretend I am fine, my parents dont know me. I hurt more than ever now. You are the only one I will ever love this way, the one Id love to spend the rest of my life with. I swear it, I will never leave you. I will always love you. Words are easily said, but I will show you. I love you so much. You have become a part of me, a part of soul, a part of my heart, and without you, Id be empty. I am afraid of this fear. And ill just pretend, that all that time apart will be like one long day, that will end with the sight of you. I'll come back baby. :'(

Reply for the piece you wrote on August 8th.

I read what you wrote and almost cried. I felt bad before about leaving you once, and there in your words I saw that what I did to you was worse than I thought. I thought I only hurt you a bit at first, that I was the one that hurt more. I felt that my actions only resulted in a disadvantage to me, that you were fine. You had this way of looking like nothing bothered you all the time. You are indeed very good at hiding the emotions that you feel the deepest. I left you with words that made no sense to me, words that through foggy thinking, made me believe for a second that after a while you would come back to me. Somehow, we drifted apart, it happened so fast, I cant remember what happened when. Before I knew it, you were with someone else and I was too. It struck me that i would never be able to face you again. To ask you to love me again. I devoted myself to a stranger, someone who I knew in my heart wasnt for me. Everything in life has its consequences. Even though this new person made me smile, and we shared moments that I can never take back no matter how much I wish I could: you were always there, in my mind. I regret with all my heart sharing time with that stranger, I thought I knew him, but I knew nothing. I knew nothing when I thought I was thinking most clearly. Ignorance is bliss, but when you open your eyes, reality really slaps you very suddenly. I was lost, confused, and so very alone in the end. I think now that I deserved that. I was alone until I found you again. I shared the fall with you. regretably, the winter and spring with another. And here we are again; and so far, we've undergone summer, fall and winter. I tell you from my soul that I look forward to spring, summer, fall and winter with you for years to come. If I would have known that this was the way I made you feel, I would have helped you see through all of that confusion clearly. I would have let you know that you are not the one who closed the chapter in your life in which I was more than just a friend. That it was me and my inablitity to distinguish what I really felt. You have always been more than enough for me, even when we were apart. Everything I did was a mistake, until I sought out for you once again. I needed you so much. I knew you still felt for me. I knew you did the entire time. The one feeling you werent able to hide from me. I felt for you, and I didnt understand it. You were there for me in my darkest hours. I love you so much. I love loving you and that you love me too. I have been trying to explain to myself what had happened, I couldnt find the right questions until I read your words. Those words that have tormented me for months now. I read them again today and finally found the words I could have used to answer your questions if I knew what you felt back then. So here it is, my reply for those emotions I put in your heart. Te amo.

ThOuGhTs

ITs like reading a hundred stories all at once,
Some glad, some sad, some mad, and some not bad,
Seeing together my destiny and my wishful wants,
But all in life cannot be had.

Its like drowning in a sea of memories,
Some dark and some veru pleasant,
Memories that burn like stinging bees,
Memories that seem so heaven sent.

Its like falling down an endless tunnel,
Slipping into life's set trap,
A journey long and unpredictable,
No compass or a guiding map.

Its looking back on the greatest masterpiece of all,
The shadows of yeasterday printed in my mind,
Learning from mistakes and standing tall,
Forced to look ahead althought Im blind.

Free WrItInG

SO im writing basically about anything that comes into my mind. I just saw the title of my blog and realized I never explained it. You know that phrase, YO mama? Well in my house, its Joe mama, that is my mom's nick name. I am a lot like my mother, so everyone at home just calls me little joe. Hmmm, what else. I decorated for x mas here in my house. I put up a very nice little christmas village, and my christmas tree. Im going to put sum lights outside, and a display of the birth of jesus. My baby got to go ice skating today. (ur a lucky mutha baby)!! hahaha j/k. N E ways, my sister is being a butt munch. She has a friend who is always with her never leaves her side. She moved out about a month ago, and hasnt called us or been over to visit us enough. It is like she completely abandoned us. She went ice skating with that b!--(#. She knows i have wanted to do that since i was little and she didnt even bother to invite me. Oh well, too bad, lets see who will have her back when her stupid friend leaves her alone. Not me. Any ways. Im real bored. I miss my baby. I wish i could be there with him right now. *sigh* Well atleast I know I will see him soon. I cant wait.

New News

Well, havent been able to write here in a while so i might as well publish it now: I have a car, my first one ever. A silver 2003 ford focus SE 4 door sedan, power windows, locks, and side view mirrors. CD, MP3, CDC, AM/FM, and expandable trunk. My computer is messed up now, due to damaged hard drive, i have a digital camera, and TODAY is my 3 month with my baby... this is a gr8 month! PLUS i made up a song!

I love you always

I dont like this one.............

Intense, the way I feel when we're apart

Living in torturous bliss with every memory
Overcoming the obstacle between us
Violating the laws of the physical
Exhibiting our love thru the spiritual

Yearning to once again hold each other
Only option left is patinece
Understanding one another

Allowing you into my heart
Loving you is why I was born
Wanting you here upon every second
Addicted to you and the feeling you bring me
You are and have been the only one for me
Soul mates are what we're meant to be...

Mon Bebe,

I last saw you about a month ago. Seems like an eternity. Two days together is all we have had so far. My heart is satisfied that despite the distance, we still have moments to share, emotions, sensations, and memories to look back upon. But I still crave more moments like the ones we've had together. I am afraid that one day, because of time and distance, you will lose interest, and find someone close that you feel happier with than with me. I found in you something I know I will never find in any other man in the world. What I feel for you is genuine. It is a calm and uneasy feeling I get inside me when Im with you, when I think of you, when I speak to you. Before you came back into my life, I lost the feeling of innocence that made a kiss so beautiful, a symbol of love. The feeling that made a simple hug, and holding hands into warmth and security. Now Im like a little girl again, day dreaming of you every second of the day, dozed off deep into thought and smiling, with every kiss and every memory, a flood of butterfies in my stomache. You are the rejuvenation I needed so. You're who I look forward to spending the rest of my life with. I dream of one day waking in your arms, looking in your eyes every second of every day I have left of my life. I'll do anything to keep by your side. I'll do my best to keep you happy each day and to soothe you when you face rough times. I know I cant do much being this far, but Ill try my hardest to make it better. Ive never felt so useless before. You were in pain recently and I couldnt do anything to take it away. I know I cant do much being this far, but Ill try my hardest to make it all better when you need some relievin. I love you more than life itself. You are my reason for being. I adore you. Te amo BaBy! MUAHz
AlWAYs THINKINg Of YOu,
CARAMELITOs

Like a Flame, re-WRITTEN.... To: My Bebe

Like a flame burning in vagueness,
Taking each step in its flickering dance,
Steady, seemingly lifeless,
Burning dark and bright at once.

Passing over those at a distance,
Sharing your passionate heat,
Hiding the darkness that captures a glance,
Pretending your soul is fine and never beat.

Strong and lasting through the rain,
Attempting to shine to light my heart as well,
Even when you're in bitter pain,
Silent and thinking u'll never tell.

Allow me to shine brightly by you,
Sieze the weight you bring upon your shoulders,
Let me love you as I do,
Make you young as we grow older.

To ease the pain

I drink to you
This night I hurt and feel bitter sorrow
Nothing else I can do
For I know I won't see you tomorrow

I write lost and drunken
Longing to end you absence
Give you my life as love's greatest token
Although in my mind you're always in presence

I lie here crying and sleepless
Missing you like the sun misses the moon
But I will never resign and be hopeless
I know we'll be together soon.

The Treasure I Give to You

Blood red, shimmering treasure
Sensitive, longing for emotional pleasure

Lively, sharp and dull
Feelings stored so deep, stronger than thought in the skull

Priceless, irreplaceable
Unique and unforgetable

Captured, owned, and given
At only your command driven

Forever in your possession
My destiny is your decision

YoUtH

I had searched so hard for the grandeur of life in my younger years. The years most people look back upon and remember only faintly. I remember taking naps in my grandmother's hammock, the one she made somehow into a crib. I was helpless, not yet clever enough to find a way out. Id stare into the wooden decor of the ceiling, notice how there were so many patterns in each brown plank to make up an entire design. I remember sitting quietly in the car on a stormy day, strapped into the back seat. Id watch the rain drops on the window race each other until they faded, as if they had a life of their own. I often wonderedT if animals could speak their own language, if they understood ours. I was in constant search for the man on the moon, set cookies for Santa and find them gone in the morning. I was fascinated deeply by the beauty of the Barbie Doll that I now find utterly pointless. I played many games that impersonated what was then my impression of the adult life. I played games like House, where I was married to a perfect someone who worked all day and came home to me and our baby. Id cook and clean and I was a caring mother and wife. I played School, where I was not the pupil, but a respectable Teacher, assigning homework and books to read. i played Vet, with my puppy although I had not one clue as to what I was doing. Life was so seemingly simple and perfect back then. The most difficult things that crossed my path at those times, were learning to tie shoe laces, or button clothes. To spell and read and multiply. But as time goes by, and innocence is left behind year after year, one's perspective changes almost entirely. You discover that life is more than patterns, than the magical life in a rain drop on a window. Than a doll or a game. It is a learning experience made up of difficult and painful obstacles and wonderful, happy moments. It is a mixture of burning, warmth, and icy coldness. Life is a bitter sweet fruit. It is learning to accept that which is not easily accepted. Life is something meant to be shared with another person. Like two flames made into one, two people live apart and one day meet and join together and form out of both of them, one life. Life is innocence, and maturity as time progresses.

When...

When you've longed for another in secret,
Admired her from afar,
You are begining to feel it,
Falling in Love? That you are.

When trying to remove her from your heart,
On that your mind you'd set,
Althought it was breaking you apart,
Your heart forgot how to forget.

When you feel lost in thoughts, consumed and alone,
If she trully reveals to you a bright and pleasant light,
Warms you when you feel as cold as stone,
Then listen to your heart, its always right.

When you feel conditions don't improve,
Only worsen and bring you out of the clouds and down,
Your heart Ill try my best to move,
And from your face forever take away that frown

The one true best friend u will have forever in life...

Ive heard this question asked so many times. who can u consider a true best friend?... Not many people in life. Not because the world is full of bad people, but because life changes in unpredicable ways. In high school u will find maybe one true friend. One person who will care about u and advise and be there for u thru all of the years ur in school. But in the end, u part ways, and go on and live ur own lives. Then there is that period in life when u arent married, and u are just exploring what is out there. This is the time when u are most alone. And then u marry. This is the person you will spend the rest of ur life with. This is the one true friend u will find in life. Marriage is defined as an institution in which u give yourself, ur trust, and ur love to one person til death do u part. A best friend is the person u love, trust, cherish, and are there for in every way until death. I have found my best friend. I love him with all of my heart until the day i die, and will always be there for him.

what makes my life...

Do u believe love has an age? That it is impossible for a 17 or 16 year old to love? I resent that, mainly because I am in love. I am 17, and I am in love. He is 16, and we live far from each other. We see each other as often as we can, and when we do, they're the best times we have in life. Best and most memorable moments. I look into his eyes and its like he captures me in them. I feel the way he loves me with every kiss, when he holds me, with every word he says to me. Time stops when we are together. And when he leaves, although it breaks my heart, I feel him near, he is still here by me. I think of him all the time. Remember the times we spent together and wonder when ill see him next. He understands me in every way, stands behind me, is always there when i need him. He knows even the worse things about me and he still loves me the way he would if he didnt know. I look up to him for many things, he is the one ive been searching for all my life. I would be lost without him. Jose, I love you with all my heart. Te amo con toda mi alma, con toda mi vida. I look forward to forever w/ you... ;)

this is the start of sumthin like u never seen b4!

If u found dis page, u a lucky mutha! haha, juss playin. Maybe you can tell that I am incredibley bored. heh, probably. Well, let me just start by welcoming u here to my site. A lil bout me.... what is there to say? Well im cute and short and love to try new things. I am Puerto Rican, and nearly 18. That is when life starts for real! haha, time to LIVE. "Live life to da fullest", that and "Never stop trying", are my strongest beliefs. I love the color pink, poems, rhymes, and being crazy! Im honest, Loyal, and I love to speak my mind. Not sure if that is all that good, but hey, its juss the way I am. Anyway, Hope U like what's to come. This is the start of sumthing like uve never seen before. ;) talk to ya later pplz. Baiz!