True Emotion.

{Ok, I know this poem is dramatic... It's the way I feel about girls who don't respect relationships. I know the situation is out of my control, so I can't really do away with these stupid &*$#!%es... But, poems are just interpretations of what's inside....}

I see him clearly in my dreams,

The sun in his eyes rises.

Day after day my spirit screams,

Each day I wake to crisis.

The one who means the world to me,

To others is a trophy,

He's wanted by superficial weeds,

Whose thorns so distant make me bleed.

I pace alone with many others,

He walks acompanied by strangers,

I race through memories of us together,

He runs through thoughts of us forever.

Our eyes reflect our loving

Our hearts beat in harmony,

I know they want to take him,

Those thoughts are pain, my agony.

I wish that I could tell them,

I wish that they could hear my plea,

If I could I would beg them,

To leave my soulmate be.

I want them to stop piercing me,

Stop slitting through my patience,

Those weeds will start respecting me,

Or they will feel my vengeance.

I'm tired of being put aside,

Not taken into consideration,

For all those times they've made me cry,

They'll feel obliteration.

Monday

So tired. YAWN. Today was ok... I had to drive my dads car to school (Dodge Durango). I love his car, it drives so smooth. Anyway. I got soaked going into school and back to my car. Get whistled at by these two *** *****... ~completely ignored them~ Got home and my mom made me go back out. Went to get my contacts so I wont be blind. Left her at the surgeons office. When I went back, I was deeply disappointed. She wants lypo on almost all her body. $10,000 so she can go and get like she is now again. She loves sweets and wont give them up. She is so f***ing lazy and wont diet or exercise but lays on her bed all day and eats candy. What the hell? I think being near her makes me disappointed. Looking at her and what she does is a reminder to me of her depression and her lack of consideration for those around her. We cant afford to do half the things she wants to do and we are always in debt because she does them anyway. She has no will, or self esteem. Damnit if u feel ugly and fat, get the hell of ur ass and do something about it. A person who takes the easy way out of everything is not admirable at all in my eyes. Sometimes the easy way out helps, but she always looks for it. Mom, you irritate me so......... Anyway, I have alot of HW, babez is not calling yet ***YOURE PLAYIN THE GAME I SENT RIGHT?! I BET YOU ARE! IF YOU HAVE HW YOU BETTER DO IT OR ILL COME AFTER YOU LMAO ;) I LOVE YOU*** anyway bai peeps ;)

WOW

What a day its been... :( So last year I get my first car.... A beautiful silver 2003 ford focus SE... I want to keep this car as long as I can and in great condition. I love my car. This morning started off so badly... I woke up late (on the up side I talked to my babez a while before he got to school), and grabbed a coke from the fridge... Got my books and headed out. I got to the exit of my neighborhood, a T intersection. I stopped and put my signal.I had enough room to move and so I did. Next thing I know, there is a crappy white car speeding 20 or 30 miles over the damn speed limit, trying to stop his car because he was going to hit me. The ass hole couldnt stop! So he rear ends me, breaks my bumper and scrunches up my trunk. I pull into a drive way and he stops in the middle of the road. MY GOD! I freaked out so bad! I couldnt breathe, I couldnt talk, I started crying like a mad woman, and I tried to call home but I kept dialing the wrong number. I have never been so scared in my life. I thought " OMG I hope this person is ok! OMG, please dont be dead or hurt. MY CAR! AY, what the hell happened?!" So I waited for the person to get off the car to sort things out. But the bastard took off, with a messed up hood in the shape of a /\ ... I called my parents frantically, I couldnt get the license plate, it was foggy, and I had too many tears in my eyes. So we called the cops and they are going to try and catch the SOB, and I hope they do!!!! Im really angry and I missed another day of class! Blah, so I am upset and I cant seem to rest or relax, not to mention my back is a little sore. Well, I need to do my homework now. later......................................................................

Hey peeps

So I have alot of things to do, but I dont know exactly where to start. I have homework for sunday, and Tuesday... After this month I get to go to VA for a week. When I get back I will get a job. Hopefully mi babez will have a job too. Im going to start on my bio homework now, since i cant sleep. Im hopin babez will call me. But he's real tired I know it... I just got off http://www.careerbuider.com . That web site is awesome. I can find good jobs on there, that atleast allow for a salary of $30-$60,000 a year. Not bad I think. Then maybe I can pay my own tuition, and help mom and dad out. Buy plane tickets, clothes, gas, pay the cell bill... Perhaps go to school out of state, wherever I wanna go, although I know that Ill be on a real tight budget. Anywhoo.... I am really noticing what the adult life is like now. I mean, I dont know how it feels to have to pay rent, utilities, insurance, school, and all that stuff, but I dont feel so afraid of doing all those things. It wont be so hard if I do things the right way as of now. Get a job, keep $$$ in the savings acct., finish college, and pay bills and such. I cant wait to be able to say "I did that on my own." "I can take care of myself, and I dont need anyone to keep me afloat." In a few years, finish college and live a little. Get married, have the kidz, and take care of them and the husband. Wow I make it seem so easy when I say it like this. Nothing is ever easy though. I see the way dad and mom break their backs for us. Well, anyway... Brain just went blank lmao. Write later. Much love all. take care.

101 things no one knows about me.

1-I cried myself to sleep on my 13th birthday, I heard my mom say so many painful things about me behind my back.
2-In first grade the girls in my class didnt like me because i didnt have long hair .
3-Also because I was so short.
4-When I was in 3rd grade, I got a virus so bad I was seeing things that werent there.
5-I used to cry when I didnt do my homework in 5th grade, so the teach wouldnt call my mom.
6-My dad's father never loved me, because Im not white.
7-The first time I ever washed dishes, I cut my finger real deep I still have the scar (6 years old).
8-In pre-K thru 8th grade, I preferred playin freeze tag with the boys than cheering for them.
9-I stole a pack of crayons from the store when I was 8, and I thought I was a full flegded criminal.
10-I've always hated wearing shorts, but I still wear em.
11-I was angry at my sister for a long time, because she never paid any attention to me.
12-I've always wanted to run away from home,
13-But I've been to afraid of being beat when my parents find me.
14-My first poem ever was dedicated to my best friend.
15-He never read it.
16-Once, my gramps was drunk and lay down on top of me.
17-I was afraid to be alone with him after that.
18-I didnt know if that was a bad thing or not.
19-I dont know why he did that, or his intentions, I dont think he would hurt me like that ever though.
20-Im not scared of him anymore.
21-I dont feel comfortable unless Im different in some way.
22-I used to be a social butterfly.
23-Now Im more reserved to myself and only those I trust.
24-My brother hurts my feelings almost everyday.
25-he thinks Im a cold, heartless bitch, so he doesnt stop saying things.
26-I didnt notice that my sister was one of my best friends until she moved out.
27-Sometimes I miss her so much it makes me cry.
28-Im jealous of her best friend.
29-I believe I was meant to be the older sister
30-My sister does some things that make me wonder if she even thinks sometimes.
31-A boy in 8th grade hurt my feelings so bad, I cried all day in the bathroom.
32-I dont remember what he said to me, I just remember his facial expression.
33-Everyday I take I75 to get home.
34-I always think of leaving this place when Im on that road, Id end up back in VA.
35-I am very vengeful and hold grudges only to people who have hurt me in ways that will haunt me for the rest of my life.
36-I didnt press charges against the one person who hurt me the most, because I was ashamed of retelling the story infront of a judge and a jury.
37-That person made me feel so terrible, that I wished that I could die one night, to be rid of the pain.
38-Sometimes I feel like less of a person because of my mistakes.
39-I am afraid of being alone.
40-I would never let any girl take advantage of my little brother.
41-He thinks I dont love him.
42-Im not so good at showing him affection.
43-I hate when people have problems and instead of solving them or trying to, they sulk and let it devour them.
44-Ive never been beat in a fight at school.
45-Ive been beat by my mom though, a long time ago.
46-I swore that if my parents ever laid a finger on me again Id leave the house.
47-Ive only been truly angry at my baby once.
48-It was because he asked me out in November, and I asked him to wait for me a while, but in December he asked someone else.
49-My parents think Im a flirt by nature
50-My mom forced me to promise not to fall in love until I graduate college.
51-She thinks that if I do, I wont finish.
52-I think that mom and dad are too busy anticipating what Ill do in the future that they are missing out on my present.
53-Ive known what I want since I was a little girl.
54-I got out of touch with all my old friends.
55-Now I miss them so much
56-But I call them
57-And it seems like there is nothing to talk about
58-They forgot about me.
59-I dont know whether to despise my ex-boyfriend for making a fool of me
60-Or appreciate the lessons my experience with him has given me.
61-I hope he and Carolina are very happy.
62-They belong together.
63-I think I seem like a depressing person
64-But even though I cry alot, and some things dont turn out the way I want them to, I have all I need and I know Im lucky
65-Im happy
66-I have an affair with mint.
67-its my comfort food
68-I wish the world didnt revolve around money
69-I dont believe in any kind of war.
70-I dont find forgiveness hard to do.
71-My pet peeve is incorrect grammar.
72-Im a perfectionist
73-Although I know nothing is perfect
74-I dont want to live past 92
75-Im weak to losing people important to me, who isnt?
76-This list is exhausting me
77-When I was a little girl, I wanted to be a mermaid.
78-I dont like sitting in the front seat of the car.
79-I dont like being driven around.
80-I love to drive
81-When I drive, i feel free
82-It's like a temporary escape from home
83-I prefer driving alone, or with my babez
84-I wish he had his license
85-That way when I go in october he could have gone to pick me up
86-I despise bad breath
87-I love riding trains
88-The first train I ever rode was in VA, in the year 2001
89-I like helping others
90-my mom had a cat I was afraid of
91-I dont like cats at all because of that cat
92-I love candles and flashlights
93-I love the spanish language
94-But I have few people to speak it with
95-I was teaching my friends in VA to speak spanish
96-I think Id be a great teacher
97-But that is not the career I want to pursue
98-I have a childish love of teddy bears
99-I am not the kind of person to keep a garden successfully
100-I was a very superficial girl in 9-10th grade
101-Im not afraid of growing old

She was quite happy at the end of the day, she said "this is one of the best birthdays Ive ever had. I felt so loved :)" 

Sometimes mom doesnt realize how strong she is. She stabbed the plate with a spoon haha 

We sang her HAPPY BIRTHDAY, *i sang so bad cuz my voice is not working* , she blew out the candles, and ate cake 

We got some sox too so her shoes match 

When dad got home we gave her the present we got her. She loved em.  

Later on I made her some macaroni and meat sauce, and went to check the mail. On my way in, I Pick a flower for her and made a little vase for her with an aquafina bottle. 

So we took him out in a container. lol 

So Im sick and Im tryin to find something to comfort me. Before goin to pick jorge up from Raiders practice, I brushed my teeth (I like brushing my teeth), rinsed, and washed my face. When I went to dry my face, I noticed something was looking at me in my sink! This little frog must have come in my bathroom thru the drain! OMG, I was very startled indeed, although it was cute... 

When we first moved here, Churi was cuttin the grass and took a break. Little did he know he'd become a snake charmer upon resuming work lol. Can you find the snake? 

sleepy and writing

Well, its almost 2 am and I'm addicted to modifying my blog template... I dont know much about doing that, but I try ;) I am sleepy all of a sudden, but my cold is keepin me up. I have a craving for chocolate chip cookies with milk, but it will have to wait til later on today. I wish I could have gone to the wedding with him. It would have been nice, I love weddings. BLAH, I hate missing out on special moments. Its mom's birthday, she is 50. Wow half a century already! just kidding. Although she is sick and what-not, she doesnt look that old. Her hair is greying, but thats it... no wrinkles or shrinkage (she's been short all her life lol, like me) I went with Churi to buy her presents. The ideas were mine, but churi spent tha $$$$. I no longer get a check every month, he does. So im broke. I feel bad about that, but anyway, I hope she likes the stuff. Im going to spoil her, even though I dont like spending much time with her, I'll make an effort today. Thats terrible. When you dont like being around your own mother. But everytime Im near her, I get insulted, or I become a slave for her and do everything she is supposed to do (as mom and wife). I mean I dont mind helping out, but **you give er an inch, and she walks all over u** I find myself cooking for her and dad and churi, cleaning her room and the house... it takes all day and I have homework to do and well, I need to spend time with my baby. I wish I could tell her about him too. I wish I could be mom's friend. I love her, but I cant share anything, or confide in her because she judges me and takes over my life, tries to make my decisions for me.

She is also a gr8 person though. I mean, she is funny, and helpful when she wants to be. She spoils me, gets me treats and presents. She worries about me, and it shows that she hurts when I do. She is a gr8 shopping buddy, *she adores shopping. We can watch TV together and enjoy it. She is always on my side against dad when he is stubborn and mean. Dad wouldnt have ever learned to apologize to me if it wasnt for her. She considers me her clone, because Im just as spoiled, clever and persistent as she is. It pains me when she cries, and I cant smile if we fight hehe. She is a great mother, even though she doesnt think so, but thats part of her illness. She would be a gr8 friend too if she quit trying to govern my life. She loves affection, and is very affectionate.

When she was a little girl, her mom was very cold toward her and loving to her brother. My gramps always wanted a girl, but my grams's first kid was a boy and he wasnt so enthusiastic about it. My grandma was thrilled with her baby boy and was hurt by my grandpa's attitude. But when my mom was born, gramps was glowing and even danced with the nurse. My grams thought my mom was ugly, but my gramps thought she was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. He even told grams that if his baby girl ever died, he'd leave her. I guess that made her jealous of mom and she never really paid any attention to mom, she never hugged her or said "I love you". When I was little grandma treated me the same, I reminded her so much of mom. I thought she didnt like me. Needless to say, my mom has a thirst for love and affection, and is very sweet most of the time, when her illness isnt gettin the best of her. Well anyway. I love you mommy, Happy birthdae! <3

Nite pplz.

my dia

Wow, I forgot how good it feels to be out of the house for once. I spent everyday in my house from May to August, it was like house arrest. All I ever did was go shopping with my extremely shop-aholic mom (BORING). So I went to breakfast with some friends, lol, in the cafeteria. Ate a jolly rancher that was given to me lol, while everyone else ate crescents with coffee. Im not much of a breakfast person. The butterfly we were "operating" on in lab ended up chasing me around the room, lol, long story. So I got home, went for a nice drive all by myself to relax, and am now watching american wedding. uh oh, babez is on line. write later :)

Dad...

I remember you were superman,
The strongest man on earth,
We walked together hand in hand,
You showed me all I'm worth.

You gave me all I wanted dad,
from crayons to power wheels,
You craddled me when I was sad,
And wiped away my tears.

I always got a smile from you,
Even when you were angry,
You said nothing I could ever do,
Will change how much you love me.

I see youre getting older,
More tired every night,
I know I could be better,
But Im trying so hard pa...
...to stop so many fights.

I still admire you daddy,
You'll always be my hero,
I wonder what you think of me,
Now that I'm not so little.

So tired YAWN

I didnt go out for coffee today, subbed the coffee with a nice cool pepsi. On my way to the car tho, went for a little stroll by the river where I sat and talked about what hell biology is with some new friends.

So Im home from school now, and am delaying the doing of my homework, SURPRISE SURPRISE* I ate some lunch, eeerrr breakfast (mmm life cereal). Im really drowzy and know I need a nap but uh... its just as hard for me to sleep when the sun is out as it is at night.

I felt like calling him all day so Im waiting patiently to be able to. Hope ur first day was a good one honey ;) And I hope you dont count down the minutes til you go to bed completely quietly like you did last night mr person LOL. It was like slow torture.... Anyway. I guess Ill get to the homework, maybe take a nap or something, if my eyes allow. maybe even add a point to this post, cuz lately I have been writing about absolutely nothing. wow how depressing lol. Have a good one. ;)

life

Last semester in college, I only took 10 credits... I took very simple classes, (english 101, Art 222, Intro to Info systems). It was so easy, I was able to skip class here and there, with no consequences, no attendance office calling home to rat out on me. So Im taking 12 credits this semester. Also a bunch of easy classes... but I feel so tired already and Ive only been in school for a week so far. Bio-2 days a week and its lab only once/week. English Comp. II twice a week, and Graphic/Marketing design. BIOLOGY... I find science so stinkin difficult, its so much work and I cant seem to concentrate on it.

So I have HW block.... I can only think about him... October.... and how the annoyances of last year and this summer will suddenly start again tomorrow. And how I'll miss him so much more, luckilly just for some months. I do miss him so much, more than I can express. But being here, so far away from him, reminds me not to ever take him for granted. To value every single moment I have with him. Well... gotta go. bed time.

****NOTICE****

Credit for the new template goes to Mike*again LOL. Just to inform ;) the comments link has been replaced by "FEATHERS". To leave one, click "FEATHERS" and voila. Simple stuffs right ;) PeAcE

variety in my arte...

not perfect.... But I like em ;)