This does it... I've had all this time to compare TN to VA... Frankly, I don't like it much over here. Don't get me wrong, it's a nice place, calm, a safer place with less "riff raff" as my dad calls it. But there is nothing here that catches my attention. Prospective employment for the future isn't as bright and shiny as I want it to be... Real estate in the area is still developing. Everything is so far away from each other. I'm not used to here, and I've been here almost 2 years now.
I know mom and dad would like us to stay close to them. That they like it here and are trying to give us the best they can. And they have. I love this house, it is home. I wouldn't trade it. But, as far as starting a career here, staying here for life... Not the place I want to be.
So, I guess for the time being I need to be here. I need to finish college, and get myself started. But once I'm done, I'm out lol. Probably move back over to VA with my sis. Can't be without her hehe, she is my shadow.
Blah, my grades aren't doing too well right now, but I'm workin' double now to bring em up. I don't think I was ready to go back to school yet. I feel exhausted, I need a vacation. I feel fatigued, like everything is piling up on me and I can't make it out before suffocating. But nontheless... I gotta make it through. I always do some way or another.
My trip to VA lasted so long while I was there, and once I came back here it felt like I only spent 2 seconds there. I already miss it there. My crazy friends, the freedom, the familiarity with the lifestyle over there, and of course Mike. Of course I won't miss my friend Becky's cat... Or any cat for that matter. Who knew a cat would make my eyes puff up like air bags lol. Allergies suck lol.
Good thing is, as long as I save money, I can go over there whenever I feel like it :O Completely shocked about the realization that I don't have to ask permission anymore.
Well, thank God it's Friday... School is on my nerves and I was dying for the weekend to come around. I hope you are all doing well :) Enjoy your weekend, and goodnight...
By the way, THANK YOU SO MUCH for bringin' Mike over V and for the ride :) Your girls are sooo adorable lol :P
Over n Out,
Zuli <3
Friday, October 27, 2006
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
Killing Time
Things I've learned about Me:
1-My car is my comfort zone
2-Nature relaxes me
3-I love rain but it makes me sad
4-I love blue skies they make me feel rejuvenated
5-The night time is the loneliest time in a day
6-I smile when I watch romantic movies
7-I resist change, even though I'm open to new things
8-I love driving, it makes me feel free
9-I don't like being alone
10-I am not afraid to present infront of an audience
11-I hold onto the past for too long
12-I like taking risks
13-I am persistent, too persistent for my own good
14-I am my own worst enemy
15-I am very sensitive
16-I love the major I am pursuing
17-I dream of a happy marriage
18-I am confident and insecure both at once
20-I'm bad at hiding my feelings, I used to be good at it
21-I like being different
22-I don't like being in my house, I feel down when I'm there
23-I love poetry and art
24-I believe that things happen because God knows we are strong enough to get through them
25-Life is worth living
1-My car is my comfort zone
2-Nature relaxes me
3-I love rain but it makes me sad
4-I love blue skies they make me feel rejuvenated
5-The night time is the loneliest time in a day
6-I smile when I watch romantic movies
7-I resist change, even though I'm open to new things
8-I love driving, it makes me feel free
9-I don't like being alone
10-I am not afraid to present infront of an audience
11-I hold onto the past for too long
12-I like taking risks
13-I am persistent, too persistent for my own good
14-I am my own worst enemy
15-I am very sensitive
16-I love the major I am pursuing
17-I dream of a happy marriage
18-I am confident and insecure both at once
20-I'm bad at hiding my feelings, I used to be good at it
21-I like being different
22-I don't like being in my house, I feel down when I'm there
23-I love poetry and art
24-I believe that things happen because God knows we are strong enough to get through them
25-Life is worth living
Not All Is Lost
It's the first morning in more than 2 years, that I've rose out of bed and thought of you... and couldn't smile. My fears and sadness did not fade away as I slept, I felt myself think about it all in my sleep.
It's the first night in all this time, that I didn't stay by my cell phone.
Does this mean that we will grow apart now? Is there such a thing as destiny?
Time takes pleasure in kicking our asses. So what... do I just need to give it all time? Days... Months... Years... How long will this piercing in my chest dwell inside me? How long will the weakness I feel in my body persist? How much longer will achieving a smile feel almost impossible? How much longer will my hopes run on tears?
These tears are what push you further and further away from me. The more I reveal myself to you the more you run away. But who do I run to, who do I seek to soothe me? I alone am certainly not enough. The pillow I hug when I cry is not enough. My sister's stern words only unglue me more... And you... how does your meer presence calm me so, and at the same time break me down?
When I think of all I've said to you... We see the world in such different ways. I've always known what I've wanted and needed... But you... You wander the world in the dark, trying to find truth where there is no light to reveal it. You live thinking that you are alone and for some reason I feel like you prefer it that way. So you won't have to break down when someone leaves or when things are difficult. You don't share what really is inside you with anyone, and I was lucky that you shared with me. We've grown in such different environments, what you see as life and what I do... are totally different visions.
Back to square one now I guess. I'm trying hard to remember how to be just your friend. The thing is, I've always said things like, "love you lots", given you big hugs in the hallway. I've always meant them too. I remember calling you and just talking about Melee, or Janet, or what you were doing. We'd write poems and share them. You'd talk to me about your family and I'd talk about mine. Back to square one then... if that is where we must be.
It's the first night in all this time, that I didn't stay by my cell phone.
Does this mean that we will grow apart now? Is there such a thing as destiny?
Time takes pleasure in kicking our asses. So what... do I just need to give it all time? Days... Months... Years... How long will this piercing in my chest dwell inside me? How long will the weakness I feel in my body persist? How much longer will achieving a smile feel almost impossible? How much longer will my hopes run on tears?
These tears are what push you further and further away from me. The more I reveal myself to you the more you run away. But who do I run to, who do I seek to soothe me? I alone am certainly not enough. The pillow I hug when I cry is not enough. My sister's stern words only unglue me more... And you... how does your meer presence calm me so, and at the same time break me down?
When I think of all I've said to you... We see the world in such different ways. I've always known what I've wanted and needed... But you... You wander the world in the dark, trying to find truth where there is no light to reveal it. You live thinking that you are alone and for some reason I feel like you prefer it that way. So you won't have to break down when someone leaves or when things are difficult. You don't share what really is inside you with anyone, and I was lucky that you shared with me. We've grown in such different environments, what you see as life and what I do... are totally different visions.
Back to square one now I guess. I'm trying hard to remember how to be just your friend. The thing is, I've always said things like, "love you lots", given you big hugs in the hallway. I've always meant them too. I remember calling you and just talking about Melee, or Janet, or what you were doing. We'd write poems and share them. You'd talk to me about your family and I'd talk about mine. Back to square one then... if that is where we must be.
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
"Anytime"
Anytime you feel like you just can?t hold on
Just hold on to my love and I?ll help you be strong
But you?re so afraid to lose,
and baby I can?t reach your heart
I can?t face this world that?s keeping us apart
When I can be the one to show you
Everything you missed before
Just hold on now,
cause I could be the one to give you more
Let you know
Anytime you need love baby I?m on your side
Just let me be the one I can make it alright
I can make it alright
Anytime you need love baby you're in my heart
I can make it alright
I look into your eyes,
and I feel it coming through
And I can?t help but want you more than I want to
So baby take all of your fears,
and cast them all on me
'Cause all I ever wanted was just to make you see
That I could be the one to give you
All that you?ve been searching for
Just hold on to my love,
and baby let me give you more
You know, anytime
Anytime you need love baby I?m on your side
Just let me be the one I can make it alright
Anytime you need love baby you're in my heart
I can make it alright
And now there?s no way out
And I can?t help the way I feel
'Cause baby you?re the fire and I?ll be waiting right here
You know my love is real,
Anytime you need love baby I?m on your side,
you know
Just let me be the one I can make it alright
Anytime you need love baby you're in my heart
I can make it alright
Anytime you feel like you just can?t hold on
Just hold on to my love and I?ll help you be strong
But you?re so afraid to lose,
and baby I can?t reach your heart
I can?t face this world that?s keeping us apart
When I can be the one to show you
Everything you missed before
Just hold on now,
cause I could be the one to give you more
Let you know
Anytime you need love baby I?m on your side
Just let me be the one I can make it alright
I can make it alright
Anytime you need love baby you're in my heart
I can make it alright
I look into your eyes,
and I feel it coming through
And I can?t help but want you more than I want to
So baby take all of your fears,
and cast them all on me
'Cause all I ever wanted was just to make you see
That I could be the one to give you
All that you?ve been searching for
Just hold on to my love,
and baby let me give you more
You know, anytime
Anytime you need love baby I?m on your side
Just let me be the one I can make it alright
Anytime you need love baby you're in my heart
I can make it alright
And now there?s no way out
And I can?t help the way I feel
'Cause baby you?re the fire and I?ll be waiting right here
You know my love is real,
Anytime you need love baby I?m on your side,
you know
Just let me be the one I can make it alright
Anytime you need love baby you're in my heart
I can make it alright
