WOW.... It seems, or I just noticed, that I havent felt jealous for a long time... I felt that burn a couple of days ago, the little green flames dwelling in the pit of my stomach... And in the midst of thought, I logged on to myspace, and realized... MOST OF THE GUYS ON MY FRIENDS LIST EITHER HAD A CRUSH ON ME, OR HAVE A CRUSH ON ME!!!! What in heavens name was I thinking?! How rude and stupid of me!!!! :@ Your words rang in my head like sirens baby... "You can be naive."
I just wanted to say that I am sorry baby, and I took every single one of them off... Except for Scott lol, who has bigger boobs than I do, and my gay best friend, and you and jason....
I am sooo sowee baby! I love you! MUAH!
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
Monday, June 26, 2006
Pics from back hom
Atlanta GA, on my way to PR
Abuela being funny lol
grandpa telling stories
Floating? La gordita tanning lol ;)
My grandma's birds. Princessa and Pichi
I call it the Valentine colored room.
From Right to Left: Yadi, Me, And Chubaca lol
Home sweet home
My grandma's plantsSaturday, June 24, 2006
Summer 06
Well... for the past 6 days I was at my little
island in the Caribbean. My mom and sis were
down there since May and on Saturday called and
sent for my bro and I. So Jorge is still in PR
until 7/22 and I left yesterday because being a
girl at grams's house is difficult. Why? Because
my grandma expects more out of a woman than out
of a man. I remember one summer, Jorge got to go
and play in the B-ball court and I got stuck
watching Laura at home because "las mujeres no
salen a jugar con los hombres." Then there was
the entire summer, me washing dishes and mopping
and sweeping and dusting and polishing and
tidying, and gardening because thats what women
do... while Jorge rode his bike, and played and
had a ball. Isnt that a great way for a 14 year
old girl to spend her summer vacation? So
needless to say I am traumatized lol.
Grandpa got back from the hospital (I tell you,
service in hospitals in PR is incredibley
ROTTEN... Actually, service in most places in PR
sucks.) My grandma I guess has been nervous
because her other half got sick and she is
afraid of losing him. So she has been
impossible. She gets on his case for everything.
They are always arguing. But it'll pass once she
adjusts. After 53 years of marriage, those two
are nothing without each other. They are almost
like one person. Grandma depends on grandpa for
nearly everything. And grandpa needs grandma the
same. I was also amazed that after that many
years together, grandma still gets jealous lol.
She doesnt like the neighbors because she thinks
one of them flirts with him, the other one is
young and my grams knows my gramps has eyes, and
the other one has been after my gramps for more
than 40 years (since they lived in NY and my mom
was a baby.) LOL, I think they are adorable.
Grandma told me what marriage is. Basically a
cycle, she says that is why rings are part of
the wedding. In the beginning, you are so in
love and selfish for each other. You want to
give each other the world and be together all
the time. Then you have kids, and many marriages
dont work out because the man goes to work, and
the woman works and comes home to the kids...
That divides the wife's attention from the kids
to the man and it causes probs because all of a
sudden her time and attentions arent all for
him. She says that the only way it can work is
if the man is considerate and understands and is
helpful and supportive. And then the kids leave,
and youre alone with each other again and you
have time to fall in love like before again and
be selfish for each other. I never envisioned it
that way, but its a beautiful thing :)
Can you believe I was there and it rained so
much that I didnt get to go to the beach. If the
beach wasnt 7 hours away I would go... THAT
BLOWS!!!! I did however, get to go to the pool,
and tanned like crazy :D I had an awesome
time :)
I think I also helped my bro. See, he had this
idea in his tiny litte head that God didnt
exist. So I told my grams and she and my mom
talked to him for hours about it. Good news is,
he believes again.
I got a new wardrobe too :) happy about that.
Sad to say though, that I am porkier than ever.
*sigh, I wonder when it happened. When did I
gain all this weight? I didnt notice how I was
changing until one day when I looked in the
mirror and was horrified. I need discipline....
:(
Oh and today was a crazy day for me lol. first i
sprained *is that how its spelled?* my ankle.
Then we are about to get a pool and it hasnt
rained for a bit more than a month and it rains
as soon as I get back. And there is now a moth
in my bathroom and HOW THE HELL DID IT GET IN MY ROOM?!?!?!?! lol,
Well, I leave you with some pics from the trip.
Take care :)
island in the Caribbean. My mom and sis were
down there since May and on Saturday called and
sent for my bro and I. So Jorge is still in PR
until 7/22 and I left yesterday because being a
girl at grams's house is difficult. Why? Because
my grandma expects more out of a woman than out
of a man. I remember one summer, Jorge got to go
and play in the B-ball court and I got stuck
watching Laura at home because "las mujeres no
salen a jugar con los hombres." Then there was
the entire summer, me washing dishes and mopping
and sweeping and dusting and polishing and
tidying, and gardening because thats what women
do... while Jorge rode his bike, and played and
had a ball. Isnt that a great way for a 14 year
old girl to spend her summer vacation? So
needless to say I am traumatized lol.
Grandpa got back from the hospital (I tell you,
service in hospitals in PR is incredibley
ROTTEN... Actually, service in most places in PR
sucks.) My grandma I guess has been nervous
because her other half got sick and she is
afraid of losing him. So she has been
impossible. She gets on his case for everything.
They are always arguing. But it'll pass once she
adjusts. After 53 years of marriage, those two
are nothing without each other. They are almost
like one person. Grandma depends on grandpa for
nearly everything. And grandpa needs grandma the
same. I was also amazed that after that many
years together, grandma still gets jealous lol.
She doesnt like the neighbors because she thinks
one of them flirts with him, the other one is
young and my grams knows my gramps has eyes, and
the other one has been after my gramps for more
than 40 years (since they lived in NY and my mom
was a baby.) LOL, I think they are adorable.
Grandma told me what marriage is. Basically a
cycle, she says that is why rings are part of
the wedding. In the beginning, you are so in
love and selfish for each other. You want to
give each other the world and be together all
the time. Then you have kids, and many marriages
dont work out because the man goes to work, and
the woman works and comes home to the kids...
That divides the wife's attention from the kids
to the man and it causes probs because all of a
sudden her time and attentions arent all for
him. She says that the only way it can work is
if the man is considerate and understands and is
helpful and supportive. And then the kids leave,
and youre alone with each other again and you
have time to fall in love like before again and
be selfish for each other. I never envisioned it
that way, but its a beautiful thing :)
Can you believe I was there and it rained so
much that I didnt get to go to the beach. If the
beach wasnt 7 hours away I would go... THAT
BLOWS!!!! I did however, get to go to the pool,
and tanned like crazy :D I had an awesome
time :)
I think I also helped my bro. See, he had this
idea in his tiny litte head that God didnt
exist. So I told my grams and she and my mom
talked to him for hours about it. Good news is,
he believes again.
I got a new wardrobe too :) happy about that.
Sad to say though, that I am porkier than ever.
*sigh, I wonder when it happened. When did I
gain all this weight? I didnt notice how I was
changing until one day when I looked in the
mirror and was horrified. I need discipline....
:(
Oh and today was a crazy day for me lol. first i
sprained *is that how its spelled?* my ankle.
Then we are about to get a pool and it hasnt
rained for a bit more than a month and it rains
as soon as I get back. And there is now a moth
in my bathroom and HOW THE HELL DID IT GET IN MY ROOM?!?!?!?! lol,
Well, I leave you with some pics from the trip.
Take care :)
Friday, June 16, 2006
Saturday, June 10, 2006
My Only Love- I like the lyrics of this song.
My Only Love- Lyrics
Deep in my soul,
Love so strong,
It takes control.
Now we both know,
The secret's bared,
The feeling shows.
Driven far apart,
I make a wish
on a shooting star.
And there will come a day,
Somewhere far away,
In your arms I'll stay,
My only love,
Even though your gone,
Love will still live on,
The feeling is so strong,
My only love...
My only love.
And there will come a day,
Somewhere far away,
In your arms I'll stay
My only love
You've reached the deepest part,
Of the secret in my heart,
I've known it from the start,
My only love,
There will come a day,
Somewhere far away,
In your arms I'll stay,
My only love,
You've reached the deepest part,
Of the secret in my heart,
I've known it from the start,
My only love,
My only love.
Deep in my soul,
Love so strong,
It takes control.
Now we both know,
The secret's bared,
The feeling shows.
Driven far apart,
I make a wish
on a shooting star.
And there will come a day,
Somewhere far away,
In your arms I'll stay,
My only love,
Even though your gone,
Love will still live on,
The feeling is so strong,
My only love...
My only love.
And there will come a day,
Somewhere far away,
In your arms I'll stay
My only love
You've reached the deepest part,
Of the secret in my heart,
I've known it from the start,
My only love,
There will come a day,
Somewhere far away,
In your arms I'll stay,
My only love,
You've reached the deepest part,
Of the secret in my heart,
I've known it from the start,
My only love,
My only love.
Monday, June 05, 2006
Mi abuelito is sick now... The doctors in PR suck! He's feeling better but I wish I were with him... 
Guess who is up at 3am again.... It's just one of those nights (again) when you can't help but be pensive (or as I put it "thinkative").
I realize that I am the kind of person who doesn't take change very easilly at all. That things that happened to me years ago were still aching inside me as if the wounds were fresh. But somehow I feel like it's all passing by me now.
I was remembering Carlos. I just think about how, even though he caused me nothing but anguish, he helped me in many ways. I learned so much about men (not all, in general), about honesty, about trust, about pride. And somehow, I woke up one morning and realized that I don't have to hate him. That I should'nt think of him as the coward who left me to fend for myself, but as a lesson. He taught me that love isnt just words. Not a pet name or an "I love you". It's not a kiss or a hug. I guess in life, you meet people who influence you for the rest of your life one day, and fade into the wind the next... and that there is nothing wrong with that. It's just life.
I thought of Carolina. Though she didn't like me, she never treated me badly. Ironically she was the voice on the other side of the phone comforting me, opening my eyes, helping me. I have so much to thank her for. And tonight I did, I wrote to her. I've had this feeling inside me bottled up for years now, this grateful feeling towards her.
I thought of someone whose actions turned me inside out. The source of most of my tears. But I learned from him too. The world is not a nice place. People will take advantage of you when you are weak and vulnerable. I should'nt hold on to the pain of one day. I shouldnt carry this memory and let it define me or bring me down. It's still hard for me. I can't even bring myself to say his name. I can't say what he did to me. The thought of him, and his action makes me cringe still. But at least I know that I have to stop crying. I have to stop sinking into this depression that keeps me from enjoying the sweet moments that come my way. I have to stop believing that if I meet new people, they will hurt me like he did. I have to stop being so afraid. I know that there will still be moments that I'll remember and cry. I think I haven't cried enough. Sometimes I feel like I've never cried. Like I am ready to burst and cry for years. But like you said baby, I have to give it time. I have to put forth some effort.
I thought of us. And how I still have so much to learn. And how I have learned so much from you.
*sigh... I think the last fuse in my brain just fried.... suddenly my mind went blank. But all in all, I feel relieved. Like I've just lifted a huge boulder off my chest. Amazing what a little writing can do for you....
Well I'm off to bed...
--<3>--
I realize that I am the kind of person who doesn't take change very easilly at all. That things that happened to me years ago were still aching inside me as if the wounds were fresh. But somehow I feel like it's all passing by me now.
I was remembering Carlos. I just think about how, even though he caused me nothing but anguish, he helped me in many ways. I learned so much about men (not all, in general), about honesty, about trust, about pride. And somehow, I woke up one morning and realized that I don't have to hate him. That I should'nt think of him as the coward who left me to fend for myself, but as a lesson. He taught me that love isnt just words. Not a pet name or an "I love you". It's not a kiss or a hug. I guess in life, you meet people who influence you for the rest of your life one day, and fade into the wind the next... and that there is nothing wrong with that. It's just life.
I thought of Carolina. Though she didn't like me, she never treated me badly. Ironically she was the voice on the other side of the phone comforting me, opening my eyes, helping me. I have so much to thank her for. And tonight I did, I wrote to her. I've had this feeling inside me bottled up for years now, this grateful feeling towards her.
I thought of someone whose actions turned me inside out. The source of most of my tears. But I learned from him too. The world is not a nice place. People will take advantage of you when you are weak and vulnerable. I should'nt hold on to the pain of one day. I shouldnt carry this memory and let it define me or bring me down. It's still hard for me. I can't even bring myself to say his name. I can't say what he did to me. The thought of him, and his action makes me cringe still. But at least I know that I have to stop crying. I have to stop sinking into this depression that keeps me from enjoying the sweet moments that come my way. I have to stop believing that if I meet new people, they will hurt me like he did. I have to stop being so afraid. I know that there will still be moments that I'll remember and cry. I think I haven't cried enough. Sometimes I feel like I've never cried. Like I am ready to burst and cry for years. But like you said baby, I have to give it time. I have to put forth some effort.
I thought of us. And how I still have so much to learn. And how I have learned so much from you.
*sigh... I think the last fuse in my brain just fried.... suddenly my mind went blank. But all in all, I feel relieved. Like I've just lifted a huge boulder off my chest. Amazing what a little writing can do for you....
Well I'm off to bed...
--<3>--
