so tiwed 

he looks so cute 

wolf in disguise 

the 2 I carved 

lickin his lips  

jorge lighing his... 

dad lightin the second pumpkin i carved 

brother carving like mad 

The three pumkins we carved,  

Dog and two men, eating outdoors with me on halloween 

This is the whole outfit 

I dont know exactly what I was 

Im thinking right now about my mistakes and accomplishments. I notice how the bad things always seem to stand out over the good things. Ive made 2 MAJOR mistakes in 17 years, by breaking the trust my parents had for me. I did learn so much from those mistakes and my past actions have made me a better person. The scars left in me by my mistakes remind me what I need to do differently than a year ago. I will not let anyone take advantage of me ever again, or believe in people blindly.

I feel like I will be a successful adult, not only in my career, but at home. I graduated high school 6 months before time, and got into college before my class. I was so proud. By the end of this year, I should have 18 official credits from college, a few of which will transfer to my next college (although I should have 22 in total). I have regained my parents's trust in me, and am ready to go out and become independent step by step. I cant believe I will start paying rent, grocery shopping, bills, work... Handling so many things I didnt have confidence that I could do.

But I find myself inspired and motivated to do well. To start studying towards my career, now at 18. I want to make my family proud, I want to make my babez proud, and be worthy of him, I want to make my friends proud, and I want to be proud of myself and fulfill my dreams. I have so much going for me, and suddenly I feel strong and ready to take on so many challenges and learn about life, about my career, about myself.

I wont let my fears get in my way, because being afraid only keeps you from going out there and taking advantage of opportunity. In VA, the memory of my mistakes dwells. I cant help but think that I could bump into people that have hurt me in the past, but I have turned a blank page of my life. I am not who I was anymore, and they cant hurt me again.


Well, those are my thoughts. write later :)

New stuffs

What a great month... Well after a 10 day period of sisterly bonding and vacationing with my babez, I am back in Tennessee, but no longer with a frown and tears. Im counting my days until January, thats right 2006. I had told myself when I was 16 that I would move out by age 18 and I thought it wasnt going to happen, but suddenly everything is going well *I hope it stays that way*.

Things done:
Mini golf
Kings Dominion Fearfest
Tyler's Bday
2 movies
sleep over
chick flicks
cooking
cleaning
sleeping
HW
Lots of driving to get babez :P completely worth it
um... blank in the brain.. lol

I left my sister sadly, and surprisingly, she weeped like hell and became all unglued upon my departure. So I told my dad about the college I want to go to, and like a mini-lawyer justified my reasons for wanting to go; which were...

"Daddy, there is a campus in Atlanta, but a girl my age and height alone, in a city like Atlanta, well... thats just like condemning me to a dangerous place all alone ;) I dont want to be alone, this school has all I need for my major, its what I want to do. Yadi can stay with me, and I can keep my VA license and lease the apartment with her so it shows I have residence, to have in-state tuition. GMU was shown to be 17th best in a list of US law schools so yadi can study there and I can take care of her." Surprisingly, he understood and by the end of the night, it was agreed. I will be leaving in January to live with my sister.

Im going back home. I am scared to leave my parents. I feel sort of bad, but I have to leave someday. I cant live suffocated like this anymore. I will just miss them so terribley. I love them both so much, and yes I complain alot but they are my parents. My dad gives me the "ur my baby girl" look again. My mom looks like she is trying to hide her worries and sadness. She will be lonely I know. But we barely spend any time together when I am at home. I wish I could have been her friend. I know they are sacrificing a lot for me. Im scared. I mean, I dont want to miss spending the holidays with them, their birthdays, anniversaries, nice moments. I want to have my puppy with me. I dont want to miss a thing. But I know I have to make my future, I want to make them proud and show them I could do things on my own.

I want to show them they can trust me to concentrate on priorities and get what I have to do done. That I have learned from my mistakes. I will miss the room they gave me, this house they got thinking about us. I feel so bad because now it will just be them and my brother. I will be back a lot tho, because this is my home. This is where my viejos are.

I am so excited though, because I get to be myself, and do things independently. :D Well, gotta go. Homework. Muahz! buh bai.

To Be Continued.............

I wish I could make it go away.

I wish I could make it all go away,
All that's hurtful,
Things that makes so many hearts break.

If I could make the pain stop coming,
No ones soul would ever shatter,
Or feel the agony of hearts tearing.

Why are we born so weak, so fragile?
Why do we seek, and take such chances?
Why do we climb so high to fall again down hill?

I wish I could make it go away,
Protect us all from sadness,
But I know I'll never see that day,
We'll hurt and laugh until we're lifeless.

short summary

I MISS MY BABEZ!
YOU DESPERATELY NEED A CAR, AND MOST IMPORTANTLY A LICENSE!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
/ \
.* *.
^

The five people you meet in heaven by mitch albom

"ALL PARENTS DAMAGE their children. It cannot be helped. Youth, like pristine glass, absorbs the prints of its handlers. Some parents smudge, others crack, a few shatter childhoods completely into jagged little pieces, beyond repair."

"PARENTS RARELY LET go of their children, so children let go of them. They move on. They move away. The moments that used to define them-a mother's approval, a father's nod-are covered by moments of their own accomplishments. It is not until much later, as the skin sags and the heart weakens, that children understand; their stories and all their accomplishments sit atop the stories of their mothers and fathers, stones upon stones, beneath the waters of their lives."

"PEOPLE SAY THEY "find" love, as if it were an object hidden by a rock. But love takes many forms, and it is never the same for any man and woman. What people find then is a certain love."

"LOVE, LIKE RAIN, can nourish from above, drenching couples with a soaking joy. But sometimes under the angry heat of life, love dries on the surface and must nourish from below, tending to its roots, keeping itself alive."

"Lost love is still love, it takes a different form, thats all. You can't see their smile or bring them food or tousle their hair or move them around a dance floor. But when those senses weaken, another heightens. Memory. Memory becomes your partner. You nurture it. You hold it. You dance with it. "Life has to end, love doesn't."

These are parts of a novel by Mitch Albom, "the five people you meet in heaven" It is an outstanding book, and I highly recomend it. He also wrote, "Tuesdays with Morrie, another great book.

NEWS AND SMILES

http://cnn.netscape.cnn.com/news/story.jsp?floc=ne-health-11-l1&flok=FF-APO-1333&idq=/ff/story/0001%2F20051006%2F1835030580.htm&sc=1333

A vaccine for cervical cancer 100% effective? HOLY COW hehehe, good news for da women!

Apart from the news, just wanted to say................................... ................................................ ....

7 DAYS UNTIL MY TRIP TO VIRGINIA.

Mom informs me on the pleasures and pains of Prego-ness

I've done alot to this blog today. It is so obvious I don't have a life, no? lol. Well, since babez is napping, I've decided to write a little bit more, about my day. Other than the fact that my mom has hired me as the maid and won't stop calling me so I can do everything she is always *so she says* too tired to do...

I cleaned the kitchen while she sat at the table and out of nowhere she started talking about pregnancies and stuff; and I found myself rather intrigued seeing as thought someday, I will have babies too. I listened and listened, still not knowing how the subject arose and boy oh boy, I hope I have a graceful prego-ness lol *I just made that word up. She says to me, "some women glow when they're having babies. Their skin is clear and radiant and they seem to sort of sparkle when they smile and such." And I was happy to hear that, because I pictured me in that situation. She adds to that, "most people don't like to say no to a woman who's pregnant so you can get away with almost anything. It is such a beautiful experience, knowing that there is a little being inside you and you will be the first person he/she meets. You love the baby from the moment you know you're going to have it and you cant wait to see what "JR" looks like." In short, she talked about how excited she was when she was having us * her loveable little babies *.

BUT THEN...... lmao, she shoots me off of that brilliant and fluffy little dream cloud she had set me on a few minutes ago. "Nothing is ever THAT perfect though," she says with a wicked smile. "Some women get hemorroids," *THE HORROR!* "...some break out with pimples," *wide eyed look on my face by now, "...our feet get bigger, we gain weight, our noses get bigger too!" *At this point I was like *AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!*

Now despite the horrors or prego-ness lol, I find myself still dreaming of having children someday lol, and picturing myself smiling, regardless the effects it has on my being lol. Wow, lol. I wonder if there are more crazy things that happen to women when they are prego... Is it as bad as mom made it seem? Hmmmmm... who knows... anyway lol, its late. I'll write later, *lol and i dont mean by today.

Mind closed- Bai baiz and good night peepz!

*Page Was Under Construction*

Ok so the site was experiencing some technical difficulties. it is not exactly how I wanted it to be but, I GOT SNOOPY IN HERE!!!!! :D Anyway, Behold the finished product. lol Im outiez! ;)

Creative spark of the moment.

Hello youz! I hope you like my new template, I was searching through the blogskins site and I saw that so many people had the same template I did so... naturally I had to change it. This is the first time I do this with no help :o Isnt that amazing?! Just kidding. Anyway... Ive finally lost hope of finding the bama who rear ended me and left :( I dont think I will ever find him, but I wont stop keeping an eye out. Now that I got hit, Ive stopped believing that nothing could happen to me just because I drive well... But I still love to drive. ***Zuli is having seperation anxiety from her little car lol*** Well Im training my brother to drive on his own, he has alot of confidence in his skills, but not in his judgement and he is right. He is still rather stiff and cant measure distances with his eyes. But he'll get it soon. I never thought Id get to teach my little brother something important like that, but my parents arent doing it so I will take over for them like always. My mom gave him her old car and wants a focus too.. :S copy cat, and she wants in newer than mine! no mommy no! You dont even drive. Well anywhoo. I cant wait to go to VA next week! Spend time with the sis, and the babez, and go with him to Tyler's birthday :) ~*Hehe last time I saw him, he made friends with a french fry and then bit into it, LOL, I thought that was so cute! hehe*~ But yeah, Im counting the days (9 left lol)* So happy! Well gotta go, Jo is callin me {Jo mama-mom's nick name}. Talk to ya later! MUAHz!