I am summond by mom and I look at her face and she is in pain. And before she says anything, I know.
And I break down and I cry and I cry and I'm trying to stop but it hurts. I had to get Mike, I couldn't do it alone.
She tells me dad left her, because he is thinking about another woman, who he hasn't seen in more than 30 years. He wants to go after her, and see what may come of it. Mom is heart broken...
She wants me to be her support. I'm not doing a good job at it.
Dad gets home. I'm a but more composed. But I feel torn. They call us into the room and tell my brother the news this time. They ask us to leave and mom for hours asks why? I know her pain. I've felt it before... My heart hurts for her.
I spend my time with Mike. His presence keeps me strong.
So I call grandma who knows what's going on. She talks to me for a while and then we go inside.
Dad calls me to talk to him alone. And I tell him he is a fool, remind him how mom has always been there for him, that people change in the span of 30 years and that he is chasing an illusion. I tell him I understand him a lot, but that I also understand mom. That I could never hate him. That he should do what is right, and search his feelings and think before acting... Because he made it clear that he was lost.
I go to bed, crying... Praying to angels for peace and help. For everything to be as it should. I swore I'd accept whatever should be.
And the next morning they said they'd try again. And mom is angry and resentful and hurt.... Dad is sorry and regretful. But he is willing to try. For her and him.
Nothing is the same. I'm still hurt. And I can't look at them the same way. But I hope things work out for the best. I hope that they are happy at some point together or apart if need be...
And I have learned that I have to live my life the best I can. I have learned that I'm not a child anymore and I will keep on going. No matter what happens.
Thank you guys for being there. I don't think I will ever feel alone because of you and Mike. Thank you. <3
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1 comments:
Wow Z, it sounds like a lot to take in (for you and your bro and sis), keep heart and stay strong. I admire you because it took me so long to get to the point you are at. You are right, they will make their determination of where they need to be and what they need to fulfill their happiness. It sounds like even though this has been inflicted, the love is there, but just confusion right now. Humans sometimes can't control impulses, maybe because the temptation of the "what if" road can be overbearing at times. Maybe he too doesn't know how to handle it, and he felt that leaving to go see what could happen was the only way. But we are after all human. It's so hard to know what is going on people's heads sometimes, sometimes they don't want to hurt their loved ones...but they want to do something for their own lives, to conquer the unknown, to subside the thoughts that linger in the back of your head. I can imagine that being together for so long is what hurts the most for your Mom. I hope that she can find it in her heart to forgive him, and truly be able to start over with him. It is my hope that your family is reunited, because I know that this is a hope you feel. Stay strong, hold on the the people who help you be strong, support and love you. We are all here.
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