Time

Sunday was such a LOOOOOOOONG day... I feel tired physically, I ache as if I were already 80 lmao. However, I am satisfied with today. I feel different. After disappointing myself, I realized that I was so down, so miserable... because of myself.

I'd spent several nights last week wallowing in nothingness. It all built up inside me and it came out of me in such a negative way. The playback in my mind of my tantrum and bitchyness makes me feel ashamed of myself.

I was jealous. I dealt with my frustration the wrong way. For some reason, after all those nights I spent down, I found it so hard to control the way I felt when something that irked me triggered my offenses. I was such a bitch yesterday. I felt so much that I needed to be heard, like if I was heard then maybe I would get an understanding that would change the course of nights like these in the future. I felt like I lost so much, like I had been robbed of so much time.

But again in retrospect, I remember that we are two different people. That we handle different amounts of stresses and responsibilities each and every day and that we deal with these in different ways. Just because I don't want to hang out with a friend, doesn't mean he doesn't want to. But I feel like that was precious time... I wanted to be with him so bad... I got jealous.

*sigh, what a crappy emotion jealousy huh?

But anyway.... So I have been learning to plan my time. I lose some one day but gain some on other days. I didn't feel like doing much today, usually all I want to do is stay in my room and talk to him ALL DAY LONG hehe. Unfortunately, life does happen lol, and we have other things to do. So I decided that because we need to remove all the carpet from the house by Friday, that I would get ahead and finish my room up, so that there would only be 2 left. On Tuesday I want to be free, nothing to do. I want to spend it with him. Be able to say, no I don't have anything to do or anywhere to go so I will be right here when you have time to call me. All my time is for you today :)

Taking all the carpet in my room took the entire day, but I did it. Also managed clean my room (now I need to tidy it and get rid of any old clothes or knick-knacks I have laying around) and slightly re-decorate it too (I get bored if it is the same for too long.)

I work at 2 today I think... get out at 7:30. I can't wait to talk to you in the morning baby :D I am going to sleep right now so that I wake up when that phone rings. Good night world.

I hope this week brings good things to you.

-midget OWT-