My Heart's Prayer

All I can think of is you. Of how much I miss you and how terribly I wish I were there with you right now, and everyday for that matter. I feel guilty so much of the time, for being here and not there. Missing days and months worth of time I could be spending beside you. People always told me, that part of growing up is the realization that we are not as powerful as we think we are in our childhood or as capable of controlling where we end up or how we get there. There must be something I missed along the way... What is it that I have to do in order to go home?

At times, the amount of regret I carry by my heart swallows me whole. If I could go back in time, I'd do so much different. Then I could justify my actions, and the trust I once broke wouldn't be so broken. I'd be there with you, and you would never be lonely. I wish I could give you so much more than this wait. Other times, I set that regret aside and think of how much I've learned, and that every step I have taken has somehow led me to you and to discover how much I love you. I've said it so many times, I am so thankful for you. I'd never change anything that's happened between you and I.

Sometimes it's so overwhelming. Time is so heavy on my chest. I just pray, every night, through tears and laughter, that I don't stop making you happy. That I can go home to you soon. I ask Him if my need for you is selfish. I pray for you baby, every night... All the time. I pray, and I know He hears me.