Learning Experience

I am summond by mom and I look at her face and she is in pain. And before she says anything, I know.

And I break down and I cry and I cry and I'm trying to stop but it hurts. I had to get Mike, I couldn't do it alone.

She tells me dad left her, because he is thinking about another woman, who he hasn't seen in more than 30 years. He wants to go after her, and see what may come of it. Mom is heart broken...

She wants me to be her support. I'm not doing a good job at it.

Dad gets home. I'm a but more composed. But I feel torn. They call us into the room and tell my brother the news this time. They ask us to leave and mom for hours asks why? I know her pain. I've felt it before... My heart hurts for her.

I spend my time with Mike. His presence keeps me strong.

So I call grandma who knows what's going on. She talks to me for a while and then we go inside.

Dad calls me to talk to him alone. And I tell him he is a fool, remind him how mom has always been there for him, that people change in the span of 30 years and that he is chasing an illusion. I tell him I understand him a lot, but that I also understand mom. That I could never hate him. That he should do what is right, and search his feelings and think before acting... Because he made it clear that he was lost.

I go to bed, crying... Praying to angels for peace and help. For everything to be as it should. I swore I'd accept whatever should be.

And the next morning they said they'd try again. And mom is angry and resentful and hurt.... Dad is sorry and regretful. But he is willing to try. For her and him.

Nothing is the same. I'm still hurt. And I can't look at them the same way. But I hope things work out for the best. I hope that they are happy at some point together or apart if need be...

And I have learned that I have to live my life the best I can. I have learned that I'm not a child anymore and I will keep on going. No matter what happens.

Thank you guys for being there. I don't think I will ever feel alone because of you and Mike. Thank you. <3

Making Sense of it all... I can't

It's dumbfounding the way life can unravel and tear you to pieces in one small moment. How before the storm, you feel an eerie sense in your gut and you have nothing to hang onto before the fall...

How did this happen? I was always the one kid I knew whose parents were still strong and together. Why does it hurt so much?

I don't know what to do. How to talk to them now.

But thank God I have Mike. Without him, I'd be shattered right now.

Morning Anxiety

Hey peeps :)

I've got 13 minutes before I have to go to work. I'm in a coma, still waking up since 6 am lol (adjusting).... But I am happy...

Happy because today was Mike's first day of work and he looked all professional and handsome. Second because I was able to tie his tie this morning despite lack of practice lol. Third because I'm doing well in school so far. And lastly because I finally have time to write in my blog.

Money's been hiding lately. I've only earned 500 something bux this year and it's all been spent LOL, gotta pay those bills. But I'm very proud that I have been able to pull it off and that I am able to continue doing so.

I've decided I am going to find another job. I need one that offers health insurance before I turn 22... Cuz then I'm on my own. I am hoping so bad for one that finally pays more than 10.50 PLEASE LORD PLEEEASEE! ;)

I went to a play this week with Mike... It was a bit raw (no props, no scenery...) but it made me wonder if I could ever do that kind of thing... I doubt it, it's not for me... But I heard that Kayla's going to be in a production and suddenly I felt like, "I wanna do that too" haha I'm a dork.

Well, I guess I'm a bit ansy. I am anxious to hear how his first day at work went (and to know whether his collar was choking him all day cuz it did look kinda tight. I hope you guys are doing fine :)

Take care, gotta go to work.

Much Luv,
Z