2010

Here goes another year. It's been a long year, full of good times and hard times... Nothing more and nothing less can be expected from each coming year. But one can hope for me good than bad.

This is the time of the year when many people reflect on the occurrences of the past year... And it's been a long year. Did I already say that? LOL.

My baby came to be with me. My dad left... My sister found a love. My brother left one behind. After tomorrow our baby's year will begin. I've gotten to know my new family, I even won the affection of the babies :)

And I dig much deeper into these things and even more. I'm sad that through this year much remained unresolved. That my mom and dad are alone. That I couldn't make it all go away. I think that has been the most painful thing for me... The pain I know mom is feeling, and the gut feeling that some day dad will regret his decision.

I used to cry all the time. I want to cry even now. But I know there is nothing I can do. I will end this year conflicted and angry that this happened. Because it made me doubt things that I believed in passionately. Left and right I saw so many who left or were left by their loved one... And yet there they remained, mom and dad and grandma and grandpa together. So effortlessly bound in love. And now it's only grandma and grandpa that remain, and I fear at times that because they are from another era, there is no one else that could be like them. 57 years.

Here we are now at our 5th month. I was petrified at first and I'd never been before. But I love Mike with all my heart and I will remain true to that for as long as I live. I pray every day that we aren't like all the others. That we're not plagued by divorce as so many others have been.

And here comes our little one. I feel this baby kicking everyday stronger... Sometimes I'm scared I won't be a good mom. The kicks at times are foreign to me. All I know right now is that someone's renting a space inside me and I don't even know who they are... I know that I love this person very much... So much it scares me. Because one day this person will depend on me, and later go into the world with all the resources I've provided. I just hope I can provide enough as a mother.

I look forward to 2010. To mom and dad finally coming to a happy medium in their divorce and carrying on. To Yadi possibly progressing with Lenny. To Jorge succeeding in those crazy dreams he's pursued with determination. To getting to know my new family. To growing with Mike. To meeting our baby.

So here's my farewell to 2009 and my warm welcome to 2010.