Jumble

I'm happy and at the same time a bit sad. I know things will get better now, I know I'm not in a cage anymore, and I can live my life and include mom and EVEN dad in it. I'm a person again. A little strange to my life, but rebuilding the more extrovert side of me.

There's so much happening all at once. Play time is over and I need to buckle down on my last summer course, so I can get that A. Need to head over to my other school and register for the fall. I wanna see about a job too, maybe I can help you out baby so you don't have to screw up your car and get another job. Not to mention, the $300 dad gives me each month isn't making the cut anymore, with gas prices going up. I'm still adjusting to not having you here anymore. Every time you leave I feel all funky and confused, like I don't know what to do next.

Now I'm thinking that my problems aren't just springing from my family life. I'm still screwed up about other things. I know it's been a long time baby. I know it would be nice for me to forget. But it's so hard. It feels like I'm cursed. Men scare me. It was 4 years... Why can't I forget? I remember after it all happened, that kind of guy didn't stop coming Tom, Fred, that weird old guy I was serving food at work. I think I'm traumatized. I know I should see my therapist, talk about it. But I can't. It's too hard. I don't think I can. I don't think I want to talk about it anymore now either.....

I read C's blog this morning too. I'm so glad you got to talk to her. I think your mom is going to be ok. My mom went through this process too, and today I can say I have a mom. I've finally seen her the way she is. I have a mom and it feels good. I remember when she first started on meds, it took a while to find the right one. Sometimes she was out of it, others pacing and high strung. And this year, I finally see her. She understands me, listens. She is trying her best. She isn't crazy. I can't wait for you all to see that day. You're right, the best thing you can do is be strong for her, and take care of yourselves. Try and remember that she is ok :) I'm still praying for you all.

Well I think I've exhausted my writing limit for today. I currently look like a banshee lol, with my hair all sorts of wack and dark circles under my eyes haha... Gonna eat lunch soon. (I forgot it is saturday)

Laterz! Take Care <3