In the World We Know Today

As women, we take on the role of mother, nurturer, house-keeper, career woman, confidant, lover, and countless other roles. We engage in the career world just as men, and still are expected to keep up with our work as mother at home at the end of the day. The role of women has changed very much throughout history, we have progressed and evolved but still, though it is said that we are, we are not equal to our men. It still amazes me every time I think about the studies that prove that women take on 2/3 of the responsibilities in the household. About the fact that a man entering my career field will earn much more than I, simply because he is a man.

I think that the reason behind all of this revolves around the nature that society has constructed for men. Men, who are not naturally nurturing beings with maternal instincts. Who are taught since childhood that it is not acceptable to show their emotions as women do. Who are viewed as our strong leaders. Who in the beginning of it all had the role of protector and financial providers in the home, leaving the housekeeping and raising of the children to their women. I think that it has been hard for men to accept that their roles are changing along with ours. That because we are career people just as they are and it is now difficult for only one person alone to provide for their family, that they have to share the role of parent, and housekeeper as well. That these beings that they were taught had to be more fragile and less aggressive than they are supposed to be, are accomplishing just as much as they are. That instead of moving up, they are downgrading and having to do tasks not worthy of men. WOW this sounds dramatic...

Anyway, what other explanation could there be for the countless cases of men that think that providing for the family is enough to keep a marriage and a family happy and healthy? What other explanation could there be for the amount of times men take their wives for granted, who care for their children and keep up their house, and work to help pay bills, and try to take care of them? How else could you explain the mentality that simply providing for the family can satisfy a woman's need for love and companionship? That she is not entitled to her part in the making of decisions because he supposedly provides for all that the family needs?

I wish that just once, those ignorant men could feel the pressure that these women go through. Like living a year in her shoes, and feeling exhausted after work, to then come home and instead of watching TV, feeding, bathing, sharing with, playing with, and making sure everything is well with the babies, and doing the laundry, and the dishes, and sweeping and mopping, and paying him attention and everything that comes with the job of mother and wife.

I'm not saying that men don't have great, and tiresome responsibilities, I'm just wondering why the lack of respect and consideration for a job that is so demanding?

Some of it is our own fault. We have to stop raising our boys to only have the role of taking out the garbage and mowing the lawn. We have to teach them that doing the dishes, and the laundry and other chores is OK. We have to make it clear to our husbands that they will not teach our boys that they should go through women in their youth as if they were cuts of meat, and that women are not here to be maids for them, but that men and women exist to TAKE CARE OF AND HELP EACH OTHER IN EVERYTHING. And we need to stop accepting the attitudes of those men who think we are their slaves and that we have to kiss the ground they walk on just because they make money. We can't allow ourselves to be taken for granted. We let them do these things to us... Maybe if they started being forced to share the responsibilities women take on, they would respect and value those responsibilities more and not think of them as jobs unworthy of their efforts.

Lluvia

Quisiera dormir tranquila y profundamente cada noche como si estuvieras aqui a mi lado de nuevo. Quisiera no escuchar nada mas que el latir de tu corazon y tu suave respiracion, pero no pudo ser esta noche. La lluvia cae violentamente tocando una cancion furiosa y desconsolada, mis ojos han quedado abiertos por horas sin fin, deseando a la paz que me brinda tu presencia. No pienso en nada mas dia y noche, en nada mas que tu. No quiero nada mas que tu. Que cruel, esta soledad immensa que me traga lentamente. En un instante recuerdo a la serenidad que senti al dormir con tu mano en la mia, y le ruego una vez mas a Dios que me regrese esa felicidad que senti esa noche. Le suplico de nuevo el poder sentirte a mi lado, y no tener que despedirme de ti nunca jamas. Se que si me tocan, se siente atravez de mi piel el dolor que siento en el alma, de amar tan desesperadamente y seguir tan lejos de el.

Y asi comienza esta conversacion contigo Dios. Otra carta para Ti, para que la leas cuando tengas tiempo, porque se que estas muy ocupado. Otra carta para compartir contigo lo mucho que lo amo, como solo Tu lo sabes. Le he tenido fe al amor, y a los milagros. He compartido con el todos mis secretos, mis llantos y rizas, mi coraje, mi lealtad, mi carino, todo lo que he podido. He llegado a conocerlo, un ser tan bello y maravilloso, gracias por haberlo puesto en mi camino. Pero aun no entiendo por que entre nosotros hay tanta distancia. Tu sabes por lo que rezo cada noche.
De nuevo me distrae el sonido del agua contra mi ventana. Quisiera escuchar su voz y contarte cuanto te extrano para derrotar esta soledad, pero se que en este momento duermes tranquilo. Entonces hare de cuenta que en mis suenos te encontrare, hasta manana.

Thought Soup

Finally! For a little while the three psycho birds that sleep in my room are quiet and still. Thank heavens! I am in my little dark box, listening to the spinning of the fan, and the pressing of each key as I type. What am I thinking right now? Not much. Only in the mood to document here in this bit of space, the little things I notice as time goes by.

I have attempted to write in here several times this month, as I like to spill my soup of thoughts into this container and store it just in case some brilliant mind wants to indulge in the richness of my intelligence lol. But each time I have been met by a dead end and nothing, absolutely nothing pours into this canvas through my fingertips.

Besides the fact, that I I just told my most special someone to go to sleep because he didn't feel like talking, I am feeling pretty _____ ... I guess the word I am looking for is "not in the mood to do anything whatsoever." OK so that was a few words... Whatever.

I just read the blog of someone I don't know. Someone who wrote something that I agree with and have been trying to put into words for the longest time but somehow haven't been able to.

It was about marriage and divorce. She asks: how is it that a person can stand there and in front of God swear to love and cherish someone 'til death do them part... and later come to feeling hatred for the same person they shared so much with? The same bed, the birth of their children, hundreds of secrets and moments of laughter and intimacy. How do people reach the point where they feel that it isn't worth duking it out for each other, when they swore that they would in the first place? I guess that is why marriage doesn't work so often nowadays, because so many are willing to give up that promise. So many don't realize that marriage is about taking care of EACH OTHER and not about winning each fight and that in marriage neither one can be selfish. They forget that they aren't supposed to be looking out for only themselves anymore, but after this beautiful union based upon a promise. That it isn't that they are giving up the whole "spending time with the guys" or "doing what I like to do"... but it is about gaining a witness to your life. Someone who makes your life meaningful and validates your existence so that you know that your life hasn't gone unnoticed and that you have impacted another soul they way they impacted yours.

I want to be married. I want to know that when I'm married it is because it was a mutual desire. That I'm not forcing someone into this frightening, ominous, pointless institution, that is cursed and will become extinct at some point in our lives. That we are both ready to take that step and not that only I am ready. I think this action is what reinforces the words I promise I love you. Don't know if that makes sense... Anyway, doesn't every woman want to marry someone who is confident enough in their love, in her, in himself, and in their willingness to fight for each other, to vow before God such a union.

You see this is where I confuse myself and wonder if I'm making my point. See, my point here was to express why marriage is important to me, why I want to be married, and what it means to me. What does it mean to the rest of the world I wonder?

I don't know what it is. I have this uneasy feeling. Like there is something I don't know. I think I'm missing something. I wish I knew. It's driving me crazy though. I can't relax. Something's wrong... I don't know what it is....