Thought Soup

Finally! For a little while the three psycho birds that sleep in my room are quiet and still. Thank heavens! I am in my little dark box, listening to the spinning of the fan, and the pressing of each key as I type. What am I thinking right now? Not much. Only in the mood to document here in this bit of space, the little things I notice as time goes by.

I have attempted to write in here several times this month, as I like to spill my soup of thoughts into this container and store it just in case some brilliant mind wants to indulge in the richness of my intelligence lol. But each time I have been met by a dead end and nothing, absolutely nothing pours into this canvas through my fingertips.

Besides the fact, that I I just told my most special someone to go to sleep because he didn't feel like talking, I am feeling pretty _____ ... I guess the word I am looking for is "not in the mood to do anything whatsoever." OK so that was a few words... Whatever.

I just read the blog of someone I don't know. Someone who wrote something that I agree with and have been trying to put into words for the longest time but somehow haven't been able to.

It was about marriage and divorce. She asks: how is it that a person can stand there and in front of God swear to love and cherish someone 'til death do them part... and later come to feeling hatred for the same person they shared so much with? The same bed, the birth of their children, hundreds of secrets and moments of laughter and intimacy. How do people reach the point where they feel that it isn't worth duking it out for each other, when they swore that they would in the first place? I guess that is why marriage doesn't work so often nowadays, because so many are willing to give up that promise. So many don't realize that marriage is about taking care of EACH OTHER and not about winning each fight and that in marriage neither one can be selfish. They forget that they aren't supposed to be looking out for only themselves anymore, but after this beautiful union based upon a promise. That it isn't that they are giving up the whole "spending time with the guys" or "doing what I like to do"... but it is about gaining a witness to your life. Someone who makes your life meaningful and validates your existence so that you know that your life hasn't gone unnoticed and that you have impacted another soul they way they impacted yours.

I want to be married. I want to know that when I'm married it is because it was a mutual desire. That I'm not forcing someone into this frightening, ominous, pointless institution, that is cursed and will become extinct at some point in our lives. That we are both ready to take that step and not that only I am ready. I think this action is what reinforces the words I promise I love you. Don't know if that makes sense... Anyway, doesn't every woman want to marry someone who is confident enough in their love, in her, in himself, and in their willingness to fight for each other, to vow before God such a union.

You see this is where I confuse myself and wonder if I'm making my point. See, my point here was to express why marriage is important to me, why I want to be married, and what it means to me. What does it mean to the rest of the world I wonder?