Sunday, April 29, 2007
Monday, April 23, 2007
Diaries Are Meant For Dumping Out What's Within. :)
Of course I can't sleep. I slept like a crazy woman last night.
So can you guess? I am pensive once again.
Now is my time, to look around. To look in the mirror of my life.
Mom's in PR... I think a lot about her now. She has been gone a week, and will be gone for much longer. I know daddy is lonely. I'm not the only one missing the person I love.
I failed. I failed every class but one. I'm not terribly upset this time though. I know I let frustrations bring me down. I gave up, for the first time in my life. And I think I needed the break. I know that this summer, I'll do great. I know that the 18 credits in the fall will be a piece of cake if I bring my old self back. I'm the kind of person who never had to study to pass. But when I do study, I do a hell of a job. I am capable I know, and that's why I'm not upset. Because I didn't fail because I'm dumb... but because I didn't try. I'm not falling behind or anything. I am just so sorry mom and dad, because that money came out of your pockets. I'm sorry. I promise I will do better now.
I've gained weight from working at that blasted restaraunt. But I'll get to fixing that too. I wonder when I got such a huge apetite sheesh, I eat like a man lol.
I do, I have so many bad habits. But step by step, little by little, I'll change that. I'll do better, for me. So I don't go crazy with my grades or with my messy room lol. So I make mom and dad proud. So I make my baby proud. So I can feel proud of myself too.
But I'm not complaining about myself right now, despite what this post may seem. I stopped for a secomd and asked myself "are you happy?" And yes, for the first time since I've been in this dreaded state, I am happy. I am happy where I am in life right now. I know that right now, I have to be here at home. That despite the distance, I have the love of an angel. I know that everything will be alright. Someday, my dreams will come true, all of them. Someday we'll be together and everything I'm working so hard for right now will pay off.
So can you guess? I am pensive once again.
Now is my time, to look around. To look in the mirror of my life.
Mom's in PR... I think a lot about her now. She has been gone a week, and will be gone for much longer. I know daddy is lonely. I'm not the only one missing the person I love.
I failed. I failed every class but one. I'm not terribly upset this time though. I know I let frustrations bring me down. I gave up, for the first time in my life. And I think I needed the break. I know that this summer, I'll do great. I know that the 18 credits in the fall will be a piece of cake if I bring my old self back. I'm the kind of person who never had to study to pass. But when I do study, I do a hell of a job. I am capable I know, and that's why I'm not upset. Because I didn't fail because I'm dumb... but because I didn't try. I'm not falling behind or anything. I am just so sorry mom and dad, because that money came out of your pockets. I'm sorry. I promise I will do better now.
I've gained weight from working at that blasted restaraunt. But I'll get to fixing that too. I wonder when I got such a huge apetite sheesh, I eat like a man lol.
I do, I have so many bad habits. But step by step, little by little, I'll change that. I'll do better, for me. So I don't go crazy with my grades or with my messy room lol. So I make mom and dad proud. So I make my baby proud. So I can feel proud of myself too.
But I'm not complaining about myself right now, despite what this post may seem. I stopped for a secomd and asked myself "are you happy?" And yes, for the first time since I've been in this dreaded state, I am happy. I am happy where I am in life right now. I know that right now, I have to be here at home. That despite the distance, I have the love of an angel. I know that everything will be alright. Someday, my dreams will come true, all of them. Someday we'll be together and everything I'm working so hard for right now will pay off.
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
Life Life to the Fullest
Ok I am pissed now... What the hell is wrong with people. Yesterday, so many people died because of some mad man's stupidity...
The following are emails sent to all University of Tennessee students this morning:
Date:
04/17/07 09:10 am
Subject:
[UTC-MEMO] IMPORTANT: Engineering Building and Race/Founders buildings evacuated
Attachments:
Campus Police and City of Chattanooga Police Bomb Squad have responded to phoned-in threats at the Engineering Building and the Hooper-Race-Founders buildings. These buildings are being evacuated. More information will be made available as soon as I can.
Date:
04/17/07 09:56 am
Subject:
[UTC-MEMO] More information about the building evacuations
Attachments:
Bomb threats were called in to two offices earlier today. As a result of these calls, the Engineering, Computer Science, and Mathematics Building (EMCS) and Race and Founders Halls (Hooper Hall is already closed for renovations).At this time, the UTC Campus Police and the Chattanooga City Police are scanning the buildings. Nothing suspicious have been found at this point. Once the scans are complete and everything is found to be clear, the buildings will be reopened and classes and operations in these sites will continue.Classes and operations resume in all other buildings, and we hope to return these buildings to service as soon as possible.I will share more information with you as it comes to me.
Date:
04/17/07 10:31 am
Subject:
[UTC-MEMO] Update: EMCS has been cleared
Attachments:
I am sending this for Chuck Cantrell. The EMCS building has been cleared and will be reopen soon.
--Charity
Date:
04/17/07 11:47 am
Subject:
[UTC-MEMO] Updated on this morning's situation
Attachments:
This morning's situation is still under police investigation, but I can report that all of the buildings that were evacuated this morning have been thoroughly scanned by police and reopened. Classes and administrative operations have resumed.A bomb threat was called in earlier today to an office in the Engineering, Computer Science and Mathematics Building and the caller referenced our Graduate School. Based on this call, Campus Police evacuated both buildings.The police and bomb squad scans of the buildings found nothing suspicious. Thank you for your patience and cooperation during this time of stress and confusion.
What kind of crap is this? It's sickening. But it makes me think... anything can happen. And you never know if today is last you'll see... Live life to the fullest...
The following are emails sent to all University of Tennessee students this morning:
Date:
04/17/07 09:10 am
Subject:
[UTC-MEMO] IMPORTANT: Engineering Building and Race/Founders buildings evacuated
Attachments:
Campus Police and City of Chattanooga Police Bomb Squad have responded to phoned-in threats at the Engineering Building and the Hooper-Race-Founders buildings. These buildings are being evacuated. More information will be made available as soon as I can.
Date:
04/17/07 09:56 am
Subject:
[UTC-MEMO] More information about the building evacuations
Attachments:
Bomb threats were called in to two offices earlier today. As a result of these calls, the Engineering, Computer Science, and Mathematics Building (EMCS) and Race and Founders Halls (Hooper Hall is already closed for renovations).At this time, the UTC Campus Police and the Chattanooga City Police are scanning the buildings. Nothing suspicious have been found at this point. Once the scans are complete and everything is found to be clear, the buildings will be reopened and classes and operations in these sites will continue.Classes and operations resume in all other buildings, and we hope to return these buildings to service as soon as possible.I will share more information with you as it comes to me.
Date:
04/17/07 10:31 am
Subject:
[UTC-MEMO] Update: EMCS has been cleared
Attachments:
I am sending this for Chuck Cantrell. The EMCS building has been cleared and will be reopen soon.
--Charity
Date:
04/17/07 11:47 am
Subject:
[UTC-MEMO] Updated on this morning's situation
Attachments:
This morning's situation is still under police investigation, but I can report that all of the buildings that were evacuated this morning have been thoroughly scanned by police and reopened. Classes and administrative operations have resumed.A bomb threat was called in earlier today to an office in the Engineering, Computer Science and Mathematics Building and the caller referenced our Graduate School. Based on this call, Campus Police evacuated both buildings.The police and bomb squad scans of the buildings found nothing suspicious. Thank you for your patience and cooperation during this time of stress and confusion.
What kind of crap is this? It's sickening. But it makes me think... anything can happen. And you never know if today is last you'll see... Live life to the fullest...
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
I Can't Say In Words How much, or Why I love you... But you can read this, and everything I do... And hopefully you'll know the answers someday.
How many people feel that the person who loves them, and who they love... saved their lives? Rescued them from something that had killed their spirit, or nearly ended their lives?
I think all the time... Maybe too much. I think about my life, and how it's changed over and over again... Sometimes for the better and others not so much. I think about the way I am and why I am that way.
It's amazing, love I mean. The first time you say those three words to anyone, my gosh, it's so easy to believe you mean it. It's so easy to imagine good things and to let yourself go with childish illusions because of a lack of malice and wisdom. A rough moment and then it's so easy to despise that same person you only "said"those words to.
It's indescribeable though, the first time you say those three words to one person... and mean it with everything in your soul and your heart. To love someone because you DO love them... Not because you love the thought of loving them... Am I confusing you?
I think about my life before you... It's true, I felt like I had nothing to live for. I was broken, and down. I was wounded, and nothing was ever going to bring me out of it. I was worth nothing, atleast I didn't think so.
And for some reason, I don't quite know... A call a day, your voice on that phone. I looked forward to something, a bit of light to help me forget for a while what I'd been through, and how alone I felt. You became what I looked forward to each day. And I didn't know why, and "love" was not quite yet something I had in mind... But you made me feel alive again. I saw you like an angel, there to show me that I'm not alone, and that I do matter.
Dramatic right? I mean all was not lost. I had my family and life. No friends though, not real ones. No one to trust or who'd understand me or who'd even listen.
And we started growing together. Sharing more and more, bonding. A bond that grows stronger as we grow together.
You mended me baby, it's true. But I'm not broken anymore. I'm not weak. You've helped me see that I am worthy of respect, and honesty, and devotion. You've helped me see that I can pick myself up now when I fall, regardless what caused me to. And now I can be strong for you too, I am strong for you as I am for me. I can be there for you when you need me now, in a way I could not when I was broken.
I can't say I'm perfect, at times sadness and pain do bring me down. I do breakdown... Don't we all? I do need you baby, I need you every second of my life. But not to keep me from breaking, or falling. Not just for support. But because I need to share my life with you and love you and I need your love too.
Life. When I say life, I mean that thing we do everyday regardless of how we feel or of how much we don't feel like it anymore.
Living. That's what I call it when you can trully enjoy and embrace that which I defined above, life. When you can't ask for more, you have all you've ever dreamt of. You bring me joy baby, laughter, healing, peace, warmth. You are all that is good in my life.
I think all the time... Maybe too much. I think about my life, and how it's changed over and over again... Sometimes for the better and others not so much. I think about the way I am and why I am that way.
It's amazing, love I mean. The first time you say those three words to anyone, my gosh, it's so easy to believe you mean it. It's so easy to imagine good things and to let yourself go with childish illusions because of a lack of malice and wisdom. A rough moment and then it's so easy to despise that same person you only "said"those words to.
It's indescribeable though, the first time you say those three words to one person... and mean it with everything in your soul and your heart. To love someone because you DO love them... Not because you love the thought of loving them... Am I confusing you?
I think about my life before you... It's true, I felt like I had nothing to live for. I was broken, and down. I was wounded, and nothing was ever going to bring me out of it. I was worth nothing, atleast I didn't think so.
And for some reason, I don't quite know... A call a day, your voice on that phone. I looked forward to something, a bit of light to help me forget for a while what I'd been through, and how alone I felt. You became what I looked forward to each day. And I didn't know why, and "love" was not quite yet something I had in mind... But you made me feel alive again. I saw you like an angel, there to show me that I'm not alone, and that I do matter.
Dramatic right? I mean all was not lost. I had my family and life. No friends though, not real ones. No one to trust or who'd understand me or who'd even listen.
And we started growing together. Sharing more and more, bonding. A bond that grows stronger as we grow together.
You mended me baby, it's true. But I'm not broken anymore. I'm not weak. You've helped me see that I am worthy of respect, and honesty, and devotion. You've helped me see that I can pick myself up now when I fall, regardless what caused me to. And now I can be strong for you too, I am strong for you as I am for me. I can be there for you when you need me now, in a way I could not when I was broken.
I can't say I'm perfect, at times sadness and pain do bring me down. I do breakdown... Don't we all? I do need you baby, I need you every second of my life. But not to keep me from breaking, or falling. Not just for support. But because I need to share my life with you and love you and I need your love too.
Life. When I say life, I mean that thing we do everyday regardless of how we feel or of how much we don't feel like it anymore.
Living. That's what I call it when you can trully enjoy and embrace that which I defined above, life. When you can't ask for more, you have all you've ever dreamt of. You bring me joy baby, laughter, healing, peace, warmth. You are all that is good in my life.
Sunday, April 08, 2007
Easter 07
Our Chocolate Bunny by our Easter Lily and our other plant whose species I know not lol... We haven't given it butt or ear reduction yet lol.
<,,Middle right- My wannabe pepsi egg and rabbit egg>>
<
So we tried something new today... The pictures above are symbols of the results. First we had a HUGE breakfast... Pancakes, eggs, bacon, hash browns, toast... Yeah, I ate all of that hehe. Then we had lunch. My favorite, pork chops, mofongo (really good, made of plantains), white rice. And we played a game.
An Easter Egg Hunt.
We had a raffle. Drew out an assigned name and color for the person. Each of us hid 6 eggs. Different colors for each person.
-I drew green, so I hid eggs from Jorge.
-He got orange, so he hid eggs from me.
-Mom got yellow, she hid them from Yadi.
-Yadi got blue, she hid them from dad.
-Dad got pink, so he hid them from mom.
It was pretty fun actually. I've eaten more peanut butter cups than I could handle lol.
It was nice to spend time with the family, been a while. Since my birthday I think.
I also cleaned out my fountain, lit a candle, and sat and prayed for a little while, since I didn't get to go to church. Easter isn't just about candy you know ;)
I hope you guys had a great easter weekend. :) Cuidense mucho! Muah!
Monday, April 02, 2007
Work = Rewards
Currently very annoyed at Blogger… The stupid login page isn’t working… Therefore, this post was originally typed up using word… If I don’t write right now, I will go nuts, even though my subjects aren’t so urgent. But I gotta do what I gotta do right?So I am in the midst of a personal makeover… I think that 2 week vacation and time with Mike rejuvenated me.
Well lets see, what changes am I talking about? For one thing, I actually went out for once the other day. I played kickball in the dark with a group of friends from work… It was ok, I just don’t think I am a fan of kickball. And I also missed Mike the entire time I was there. It is much more fun to play while he is around (even if it is ultimate Frisbee lol). I hurt my toe of course, I am very accident prone lmao. It looks like a dissected sausage haha.
I also painted the unfinished section of the red T.V. room I started painting almost a year ago. It is now complete.
I painted my bathroom. It used to have this obnoxious vertically striped yellow and white wallpaper… UGH! It was horrid. So I took some time off my busy *yeah right lol* schedule this week and primed it and painted it a nice minty green color. This renovation hurt my pocket seeing as though I am now more broke than the tecatos holding cups on the road and asking for change in Puerto Rico lol… I spent money on bright green towels, and bath rugs, a bathroom cup for my toothpaste in a creamy white with light-green leaves on it, a soap dish and my toothbrush holder. I know I know, it sounds like too much green, but it is actually very refreshing. It livened up that boring uncoordinated bathroom J
I bought stuff to fix my bike too, and went bike riding once last week. But the heat has been mean and I don’t dare go out there until it cools off just a little. Maybe when it gets a little darker out I will go again. That is if I don’t work.
Right now I’m in the process of cleaning my room, and throwing away junk that I’ve managed to pile up in my cabinets and closet. I need to do my laundry today. I’m also getting away from the entire slacking in school habit. I have homework to do tonight and I plan on gittin r dooone.
I’m also happy that I’ve been able to help you out on some stuff baby. But I am so proud, I see you doing everything you have to do to reach your goals. Now you just need to tolerate those 4 boring hours of drivers ed on the weekends, and we’ll get to studying for your GED soon (cuz I know we are swamped with things to do right now huh?) This month will be rough, cuz I am getting more hours at work, cuz money is of the essence… and I see you’re finding time for work on your busy schedule too. Just thinking about everything makes me exhausted. This is my last month to raise my grades this semester. And we both know you have your hands full lol.
It’s good though, to have something to accomplish. Otherwise, you can get to feeling pointless after a while.
I think things are looking up. I miss you though. I can't wait to see you again. But everything will be ok :) Remember that I'm here to help you in anything you need baby anything.
Well, off to do my laundry now. Lots of Lurv to all of yous <3>
Zuli over N out-
