Diaries Are Meant For Dumping Out What's Within. :)

Of course I can't sleep. I slept like a crazy woman last night.

So can you guess? I am pensive once again.

Now is my time, to look around. To look in the mirror of my life.

Mom's in PR... I think a lot about her now. She has been gone a week, and will be gone for much longer. I know daddy is lonely. I'm not the only one missing the person I love.

I failed. I failed every class but one. I'm not terribly upset this time though. I know I let frustrations bring me down. I gave up, for the first time in my life. And I think I needed the break. I know that this summer, I'll do great. I know that the 18 credits in the fall will be a piece of cake if I bring my old self back. I'm the kind of person who never had to study to pass. But when I do study, I do a hell of a job. I am capable I know, and that's why I'm not upset. Because I didn't fail because I'm dumb... but because I didn't try. I'm not falling behind or anything. I am just so sorry mom and dad, because that money came out of your pockets. I'm sorry. I promise I will do better now.

I've gained weight from working at that blasted restaraunt. But I'll get to fixing that too. I wonder when I got such a huge apetite sheesh, I eat like a man lol.

I do, I have so many bad habits. But step by step, little by little, I'll change that. I'll do better, for me. So I don't go crazy with my grades or with my messy room lol. So I make mom and dad proud. So I make my baby proud. So I can feel proud of myself too.

But I'm not complaining about myself right now, despite what this post may seem. I stopped for a secomd and asked myself "are you happy?" And yes, for the first time since I've been in this dreaded state, I am happy. I am happy where I am in life right now. I know that right now, I have to be here at home. That despite the distance, I have the love of an angel. I know that everything will be alright. Someday, my dreams will come true, all of them. Someday we'll be together and everything I'm working so hard for right now will pay off.