The Effects of Dr. Pepper

Having a full-time job isn't so bad I guess. Except for the fact that I spend all day missing Mike... I've been able to pay half of my bills so far... earning 3-6 times as much as I was earning at my old job. Things are looking up financially.

Been looking forward to my days off so I can spend time with him. The pic above was taken at coolidge park. I had such a good time with him that day... We really didn't do much, but walk around and stare at the river... We threw big rocks in for a while... But I think it was wonderful. I hope we can go again tomorrow. I never had anyone to go with before now :)

I drank lots of Dr. Pepper before coming home. My shift ended at 1am... So I was a bit tired. And now I'm just pensive...

Things at home are strange... Getting used to the idea of mom and dad not being mom AND dad... But mom or dad.

There hasn't been food made at home for a while... It's digging into Mike's pocket... So I think I am going to just prepare dishes for the week one day a week and put them in the freezer so he can just fix them up when he gets home and not have to spend forever cooking or waste money on junk... Just have to get the hang of this full time thing.

I got my ring a couple of days ago... haha thinking about it makes me smile. I thought it hadn't gotten in yet (had to have it resized) He gave me a convincing story about how it wasn't ready yet, even sounded angry when he told me. Evil lol. I get home and we're sitting on the sofa... And he looks at me and asks me to honestly answer a question. Of course I said ok... Next thing I know, he is on his knee, with a ring box in his hands. OMG hehehe it makes me all giggly!

Needless to say I'm never taking this ring off. I don't understand why men don't get engagement rings though... Hmmmmmm...

So now I realize that for the hundredth time I am rambling on my blog at nearly 3 am. I'm starting to finally get sleepy. So I guess I will doze off now...

Been a while so I hope you guys are ok :)

Good night <3

I Think It's Over

What is there to do now? What will things be like now that dad will be gone, my one stable parental figure...

How will mom do from now on? I've got to admit I'm really scared. I want to cry but I think there's no point in that. It's over... 2 Pieces of me are going in different directions.

I guess I just have to live my own life. Grow and do what I need to do. I know everything will eventually be alright. But still, I never thought this would happen to me. I'm looking right now to reach out to someone, anyone who can tell me what comes next, how do I deal, what is expected of me... What do I do?

I understand them both... I know that mom doesn't care about herself. That she has no interests. That she is sick and taking care of her is draining. I know that she is childish, and manipulative... That she is hard headed and bratty. That she has done so many things to herself physically (surgeries) that she has altered herself and may not be desirable to him anymore. I blame her for not realizing why he wanted to leave. For not seeing what everyone else can see plainly.

I know that she has given him her life. That she has raised his children, been there with him through thick and thin. That she even gave him another chance after what happened on valentines day. That dad can be abrupt and rude. That he can be closed minded. I blame him for having wasted her life, when he could have done this years ago and retained custody of us if leaving us with an unstable mother was what he was worried about.

I knew they weren't reconciled. I knew it wasn't working. Dad just doesn't love her the way a man should love his wife anymore. I guess this is just something that happens during the course of life. Not to everyone... It just happens...

It's not easy to swallow. I'm having a hard time thinking of what the rest of my life will be like. Will my children know both of their grandparents well. Will we keep in contact all the time. Will we drift apart? I'm scared of that. What do we do on the holidays? Who do we visit? How do you choose?

My heart hurts...