What Would I be?

What would the ocean be,
If the waves that came to be
Crashed ashore one at a time
Single mountains moving by?

And it's easier to see,
That without you I'm not me,
We've been pushing through,
I've been seeking you...
You've been waiting still for me.

Would the sky be as lively,
If at night but one star shone?
I'll never be at home,
If I don't keep on fighting.

It's ambiguous this loss,
I try to soak you in,
But it comes a time to cross,
Again the road of absence.

Without you what would I be?
I need you so I can breathe,
Hold my hand each time you dream,
Hold my heart and hold my dreams.

3 years ago...

It never fails... Every single time I think of that day, it feels so new. Like it was yesterday. It is crazy, it was just an e-mail. We weren't exactly neighbors anymore, the phone was also out of limit. Blah, you know the entire story, I just love thinking about it! I still get all giggly gosh!

Happy anniversary baby. THREE years and counting. Been through so much but we always stick together, we're always there for each other.

You know when you feel so happy you feel like crying? Maybe not, you're not the emotional girl in this relationship lol... It's like I'm so full of happiness, that it wants to overflow literally-

Three years. The number is so small. But I feel like we've been together forever. Sometimes I think it's because I'd spent so long thinking of what you'd be like, and how I'd know you're the one for me... Maybe I've known you in my heart all my life. Where would I be without you? I'm so lucky to have you. There is no one else like you. I love you.

Since It's Been Mentioned...

Love in my opinion (out of millions) has no real definition... We associate many emotions, affectionate actions, sacrifices, compromises, tolerance, forgiveness and many other things with love... There are rules that we are supposed to follow but aren't always.

I've tried defining this in many conversations with my special someone... But in the end, there is always too much left out and our definitions do tend to differ. And that's perfectly all right. I guess it's different for everyone. Which is why it's impossible for anyone to judge someone else's relationship as being either right or wrong. It's easy to talk when you are referring to someone else right. Another flaw in us humans lol.

My family hasn't seen many broken marriages. They tend to last a lifetime. Mom's parents have been married 54 years, Dad's for 52... Mom and dad are married for 27 years. Uncle Rusty and Nadene have been married for 24. But I think I've seen and learned some things about marriage, I'm not afraid of it, I have a good concept of it. Not saying that they're perfect or anything, cuz they sure as hell aren't... But those years can't lie I think... They must be doing something right. Seeing them gives me something to believe in. Otherwise I'd be in the dark.

I've seen patterns. There is in fact that balance, a negative attracts a positive. Dad's an optimist, Mom suffers from depression. Grandpa is messy, Grandma's a neat freak. Dad's mom is patient, his dad's isn't. Uncle Rusty is passive, Nadene is aggressive. But the one thing I have seen from ALL of them, not one or the other, is a selfless nature. One would give anything for the other. They need each other, and keeping each other happy is the most important thing to them.

I've asked my parents and my grandparents "Who is your number one priority in this world?" Their answers were "Each other... Because one day you leave home, you have kids and you work hard to keep together, and then your kids leave and here we are again alone. In the end we have each other, so we need to take care of each other." They say that having happy children is possible when both of you are happy. When they're not watching arguments, or mom crying or dad leaving the house angry. That you have to start by taking care of yourselves and your relationship because kids do sense when their parents are bitter and upset. I'd expected them to say their children, that's what I told them. They said, that taking yourself is taking care of them. They are a part of you and you need to be OK for them.

Love is more than roses and chocolates and the excitement you feel in the beginning. The years progress and you have to nurture it. Make sure you take the other person into account, after all that person is your other half, your partner, the one who should always have your back. How can you count on someone who won't take you into account? Commitment is more than just staying faithful, but it is responsibility, honesty, and consideration.

It does make me mad, that there are people who are let down by the ones they love. It shouldn't be that way... I think it's OK to be let down once in a while. Nobody is perfect and without the bad times, there wouldn't be any good ones. But love shouldn't be so hard should it? Blind faith implies that one person is there to hold your hand and guide you. You can close your eyes and not be afraid of where you're led to.

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Clouds

Forced to step off the cloud that's been carrying me throughout the years, onto a shiny slick surface, smooth and terrifying... Something new, a change, a threat... Why must I walk here now? Why, risk a break? I never used to look around before, I new every step I took would lead me from cloud to cloud, the hands of heaven beneath my feet.

When did I look down, when did I fall? Been hanging on and slipping off the edge, trying to climb, fighting to re-establish my place in the sky. I didn't know when I chose to walk among the angels that falling would be so easy. That I could fall and shatter beyond my will. I didn't realize that there was such a fine line between pain and paradise. Still something invisible to me keeps me there in constant struggle, believing fiercely that I belong in the sky. Thin ice, a sheet of ice with with jagged edges... I don't want to slip, I don't want to die. I'll reach up as long as there's hope, as long as I'm living... I'll reach up and my angel will catch me. I'll return to bliss again, where the warmth welcomely embraces me, where fear and doubt cannot reach me. Where I am strong and invincible. I'll be home with my angel, and nothing could ever hurt me again.