Love in my opinion (out of millions) has no real definition... We associate many emotions, affectionate actions, sacrifices, compromises, tolerance, forgiveness and many other things with love... There are rules that we are supposed to follow but aren't always.
I've tried defining this in many conversations with my special someone... But in the end, there is always too much left out and our definitions do tend to differ. And that's perfectly all right. I guess it's different for everyone. Which is why it's impossible for anyone to judge someone else's relationship as being either right or wrong. It's easy to talk when you are referring to someone else right. Another flaw in us humans lol.
My family hasn't seen many broken marriages. They tend to last a lifetime. Mom's parents have been married 54 years, Dad's for 52... Mom and dad are married for 27 years. Uncle Rusty and Nadene have been married for 24. But I think I've seen and learned some things about marriage, I'm not afraid of it, I have a good concept of it. Not saying that they're perfect or anything, cuz they sure as hell aren't... But those years can't lie I think... They must be doing something right. Seeing them gives me something to believe in. Otherwise I'd be in the dark.
I've seen patterns. There is in fact that balance, a negative attracts a positive. Dad's an optimist, Mom suffers from depression. Grandpa is messy, Grandma's a neat freak. Dad's mom is patient, his dad's isn't. Uncle Rusty is passive, Nadene is aggressive. But the one thing I have seen from ALL of them, not one or the other, is a selfless nature. One would give anything for the other. They need each other, and keeping each other happy is the most important thing to them.
I've asked my parents and my grandparents "Who is your number one priority in this world?" Their answers were "Each other... Because one day you leave home, you have kids and you work hard to keep together, and then your kids leave and here we are again alone. In the end we have each other, so we need to take care of each other." They say that having happy children is possible when both of you are happy. When they're not watching arguments, or mom crying or dad leaving the house angry. That you have to start by taking care of yourselves and your relationship because kids do sense when their parents are bitter and upset. I'd expected them to say their children, that's what I told them. They said, that taking yourself is taking care of them. They are a part of you and you need to be OK for them.
Love is more than roses and chocolates and the excitement you feel in the beginning. The years progress and you have to nurture it. Make sure you take the other person into account, after all that person is your other half, your partner, the one who should always have your back. How can you count on someone who won't take you into account? Commitment is more than just staying faithful, but it is responsibility, honesty, and consideration.
It does make me mad, that there are people who are let down by the ones they love. It shouldn't be that way... I think it's OK to be let down once in a while. Nobody is perfect and without the bad times, there wouldn't be any good ones. But love shouldn't be so hard should it? Blind faith implies that one person is there to hold your hand and guide you. You can close your eyes and not be afraid of where you're led to.
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2 comments:
one key thing you mentioned, one thing that D's mom said to me a long time ago when we were talking about old marriages and modern ones and why they don't last...she said:
people are allot more selfish these days, and there's no room for that in a marriage. so i thought about that, all the times me and d fight;
my gripes: he drinks, doesnt help around the house or kids = him acting selfish
his gripes: he doensnt have any about me, sike! lol..that i complain about cleaning after him, dishes, laundry..lol why? because i'm selfish, i dont' like the idea of having to clean up after someone even if i know he works all day for the family..
my mom and dad too, the way he would spend all his money on cars and not think about her..if i thought about their problems and others it all boils down to being selfish and not considerate for the other person.
I think the advice that you have gotten from your family Zulen is right on.
Since you have seen this...it's easier for you to do.
CB has this too. He has a great example in his family. And very true that at least reaching a compromise is what needs to happen.
You can't always make one person happy but you can compromise.
Like CB and I (now) we have found a way to make his all nighters work. He helps me with laundry, dinner, washing dishes and then he will go out with his friend.
And - when I make plans he doesn't give me any grief because I make sure I do the same "chores" before I go.
We knew that each person had to be happy and we found a way. I complained that when he went out all night I would have lots of things to do because it was all me.
Eventhough we still have to work through a few things still. At least I know that he is willing to put his 50 as well as I do.
And it is very true- You need somebody to compliment you- meaning a opposite- in the way you handle things...because you learn and grow as a person.
I absolutely think the reason why we have a much higher divorce rate now is because people have gotten more selfish. There really is no room for that in love. You have to to selfless acts.
The whole blind faith thing scares me still.
Because of what I saw growing up. I saw the same things....sacrifice...dedication..loyalty...and it didn't get them very far. Until I heard that my dad actually finalized his divorce from vani's blog - I was devastated. In my naiive mind....they would get back togethoer.
It is alot easier to believe in something when you have seen it first hand.
We saw struggle, and pain. I always thought marriage was torture. Then I met CB's parents.
They made it look so easy. So good. They showed me that compromise is very important. Communication is very key too. Trust & Belief. Something my mom never had for dad. That is something I struggle with. Or comparing....ouch...that's a relationship killer there. Demeaning....that too....those are the things that I work through.
I am here because I know that I still have alot to learn. But - the best part is I already have learned alot and I have grown.
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