Pensive

I hope you had a great christmas you guys :)

Well, I am not sleepy, I am not tired... I guess right now, I am feeling bored and in a writing mood. I feel detached. I don't know when I got so bad at keeping up with you. I wanted to wish you a merry christmas, but somehow, I'm always late.

I'm hoping I spend new years on a more cheerful note. I'm hoping for some peace. I know, you must be thinking, "what kind of things can possibly go on in the life of a 19 year old? You're so dramatic." Atleast that's what mom says. But hey, people experience the world differently...

I think, I have grown so much just this past year. I think I've let go of everything in my past that was weighing me down. I think I am happier in that aspect. I can look at Carlos and smile, knowing that he is happy and where he should be. I can think of KB, and I won't break down anymore. I can sit in the room with mom and dad and open up to them, without feeling overwhelmed. I can accept Jorge's opinions without arguing. I have once again let myself into the world, I've met people, I've made friends, I've gotten out of this house and tried new things. I am proud of myself.

I know people, who've lost someone they said they "loved", and the only thing they thought of was revenge. They thought of themselves. And I know this, when you trully love someone, no matter what, you never want or try to hurt them. Ever. Sometimes love isn't the way you want it to be.

Sometimes I do feel down. I feel sad. But none of me, wants to give up. I've kept going, and I've learned something. Life is worth living.