:'(

Whatever to the deceptions life bring us. I guess it will take longer to go back home. Back to VA. I got back from a dream vacation from my sister's house, and my mom goes and brings my world down again like always. Why do they say yes to me, why do they bring my hopes up, just to crush them again. Why did they agree to let me go if they were going to take it away. Mom and dad began their little campaign to make Yadi move back here. To a life of seclusion, bordom and restriction. That is the only thing that can come from living at home. Living with my parents who are afraid of the world afraid of everything. Of course they are right to be. They have seen lots happen in life, theyve seen lots happen to me. My sister is real nice and may get hurt by the not so nice people of the world.

They dont know she has a boyfriend as they know not about Mike. Imagine, she is nearly 23 and still afraid to let mom and dad know that she has a boyfriend. I dont like him much though. I mean he is a nice friend, very friendly... *redundant I know. But he has a history of losing girls. He is very sensitive and I feel that yadi has played with him alot. Not meaning to of course. Do you think that it is wrong to make a decision you arent sure about. I mean repeatedly, she has accepted him as her boyfriend and each time has dumped him. I think when you send mixed signals like that a man his age (26) is bound to get pissed off or rather offended. I dont trust him. Something about him doesnt feel right and I think he might hurt Yadi.

Well setting that aside from the subject... Mom and dad have been convincing yadi to move back here. She is buying into it. She is so damned weak minded. I warned her about this. I warned her and I told her. She might be thinking that life here will be great. But has she forgotten why she left? You know living with mom and dad is nice at a level. She will get tired of it and move out again and where will she go this time? Here in TN? They pay less here than in VA. Whatever
Not to mention all the talking about her grandma and grandpa will do. "Pero yo dije que Yadira se iba a mudar aca. Ella no se podia quedar alla sola."

She is buying into all that crap. Whatever then. Whatever. I told her not to think about me when she makes her decision. But damnit if she does decided to come over. I will resent mom and dad for it. Because they lied to me. They said I could and they took it away.

Not only are they taking away my dream. I want my career. I want to go to that college. The one that will give me the best career opportunities possible. I want to be independent. I want to learn things on my own. I want to take care of my sister. I want to get a good job. I want to be free. I want to be near my baby. I dont want to lose him. I panic at the thought of it. I want so many things I cant have here. I hate this place.

So there. My happiness has been stepped all over. Im miserable again. Being near my mom brings me down so much. She tells me all the time how I tell her everyday that she is a bad mom. How Im a bad daughter. Nothing but negative things. She makes me feel bad about myself. I feel suffocated trapped here. I feel restricted. Mom and dad dont want us to leave until we get married. How the hell is that supposed to happen? I am not even allowed to date! I mean I know its still very early, but even my sister is afraid to tell em she has a boyfriend. So that does it. Being here depresses me. What do I do? What should I do. I wish I had someone to tell me what I should do to make things better. To help myself get away without killing dad or driving mom even crazier than she is. How do I leave?