Heartbroken ~

My family knows me to be this incredibley strong and determined person. They rarely see my shed a tear, they never see me down. They see a young woman who puts her anger and will to good use. A person determined to prove those who think she can't- wrong. As the years pass, my determination to succeed grows, but my strength... it diminishes. As I listen to the thunder, and the rain tapping on my window, I do my best to keep myself from falling. But I find myself heartbroken, a little more everyday. They say life is about sacrifices, that life moves on even when things are happening that you wish werent. That if your strong and you really want to, you can do anything you want.
So why am I so down today? I was going to be with you. Was... I got the yes of my dad, and the yes of my mom. I have the money at my disposal. And again time gets in the way. I found myself thinking: It seems like destiny has a way of screwing everything up for me. And then I remembered that I dont believe in destiny, but that I control my destiny. Classes start the 25th. The day you get back I have to go to school, that is if I get in. I wish school would start the 30th. But it doesnt. I find myself hoping I dont get in. But I started early and I dont want to fall behind, all the hard work I did to graduate 6 months early would be wasted.
My parents wont let me go to NOVA, for one last semester, to complete a full semester. I needed 12 credits in order to get into the University of Tennessee, but I only had 10. So now I am being forced to go to another community college. My parents dont want to let me go to VA. They dont facilitate anything for me. Life is so complicated because they make it that way.
No matter how hard they try to keep me here though, I will have to leave soon. Because the school in which I can aqcuire my specific major is in VA. So within a year they will have to accept that Im leaving. I wont give up my dreams and aspirations because they want me near, so they can watch me all the time.
I feel like Ive failed you again baby. Because this is the second time my plans to see you dont work out. I hope though, that you still believe me. That I am going to see you soon. I swear it baby. I have permission to travel now. When time cooperates with me, I'll be with you. Im so sorry I let you down. I know a relationship like ours isnt easy.
Why do I seem to write more when Im sad, than happy? I'll stop now. I just couldnt bring myself to calling you, and telling you again that I cant be with you. I love you baby.