Blurting things out.

No... I dont have a job. I was planning on getting one when I moved over there... Wow... But I know I always have to have a backup plan. So I guess I will get a job... Only problems with that... Is a huge lack of time for things I need to do. Such as: Do homework for 16 credits worth of classes next semester, still do my house chores, find time to spend with my loved ones, and have atleast a little bit of time for me. I will start off with just 3 days of work and when I get the hang of time management, I'll get 4 or 5... I hope to get an ok job. I have to save money for the cell and gas... Ill put money in savings. I hope to earn plenty. I have work experience, have never been fired, and have a diploma. What kinds of jobs that pay ok can I get with those qualifications? I mean waitressing doesnt cut it... Retail... not that great either. What else is out there for me????

Maybe I should just wait until I finish college to go. I mean next semester I will be a sophomore. It would take about 3 years. Id take interior design, graduate and get going. 3 years is a long time huh? Lots can happen in 3 years, thats what scares me. I would visit as often as I could though, Id visit my babez. It wouldnt be every month but Id spend time there. I dont know. Im scared. I sound like a baby dont I? I feel so imature. I mean Im here thinking that I can go back in 3 years and things will be the same as they would be now if I went. Im hoping for a miracle I guess. Blah. Must stop writing. I must admit though, that I am in a better mood today that the past week and Im trying to find alternatives to my problems. There's always a way I think. But anyway. Its 2:16am. I should really get to bed huh?

Goodnight. Sweet dreams :) xoxo...

Zuli signing out. ..(my mom says that on msn, i think its cute lol)... buh baiz <3

:'(

Whatever to the deceptions life bring us. I guess it will take longer to go back home. Back to VA. I got back from a dream vacation from my sister's house, and my mom goes and brings my world down again like always. Why do they say yes to me, why do they bring my hopes up, just to crush them again. Why did they agree to let me go if they were going to take it away. Mom and dad began their little campaign to make Yadi move back here. To a life of seclusion, bordom and restriction. That is the only thing that can come from living at home. Living with my parents who are afraid of the world afraid of everything. Of course they are right to be. They have seen lots happen in life, theyve seen lots happen to me. My sister is real nice and may get hurt by the not so nice people of the world.

They dont know she has a boyfriend as they know not about Mike. Imagine, she is nearly 23 and still afraid to let mom and dad know that she has a boyfriend. I dont like him much though. I mean he is a nice friend, very friendly... *redundant I know. But he has a history of losing girls. He is very sensitive and I feel that yadi has played with him alot. Not meaning to of course. Do you think that it is wrong to make a decision you arent sure about. I mean repeatedly, she has accepted him as her boyfriend and each time has dumped him. I think when you send mixed signals like that a man his age (26) is bound to get pissed off or rather offended. I dont trust him. Something about him doesnt feel right and I think he might hurt Yadi.

Well setting that aside from the subject... Mom and dad have been convincing yadi to move back here. She is buying into it. She is so damned weak minded. I warned her about this. I warned her and I told her. She might be thinking that life here will be great. But has she forgotten why she left? You know living with mom and dad is nice at a level. She will get tired of it and move out again and where will she go this time? Here in TN? They pay less here than in VA. Whatever
Not to mention all the talking about her grandma and grandpa will do. "Pero yo dije que Yadira se iba a mudar aca. Ella no se podia quedar alla sola."

She is buying into all that crap. Whatever then. Whatever. I told her not to think about me when she makes her decision. But damnit if she does decided to come over. I will resent mom and dad for it. Because they lied to me. They said I could and they took it away.

Not only are they taking away my dream. I want my career. I want to go to that college. The one that will give me the best career opportunities possible. I want to be independent. I want to learn things on my own. I want to take care of my sister. I want to get a good job. I want to be free. I want to be near my baby. I dont want to lose him. I panic at the thought of it. I want so many things I cant have here. I hate this place.

So there. My happiness has been stepped all over. Im miserable again. Being near my mom brings me down so much. She tells me all the time how I tell her everyday that she is a bad mom. How Im a bad daughter. Nothing but negative things. She makes me feel bad about myself. I feel suffocated trapped here. I feel restricted. Mom and dad dont want us to leave until we get married. How the hell is that supposed to happen? I am not even allowed to date! I mean I know its still very early, but even my sister is afraid to tell em she has a boyfriend. So that does it. Being here depresses me. What do I do? What should I do. I wish I had someone to tell me what I should do to make things better. To help myself get away without killing dad or driving mom even crazier than she is. How do I leave?

About Me

Quizes at http://www.memegen.net ...

How you really say "I love you." by lenatheraven
Name: Zuli
believe in true love?: yes
Your hands say: With me, you'll never be lost.
Your eyes say: You're amazing.
Your hugs say: This is where you are meant to be.
Your kisses say: I almost can't believe you love me.
Your body says:I want to wake up beside you.
Your heart says: Te amo.


What makes you attractive? by Eurudite
Name: Zuli
Gender: Female
Age: 18
Your Eyes:: 41%
Your Smile:: 57%
Your Body:: 3%
Your Wit:: 8%
Your Charm:: 98%
Your Personality:: 51%
What first attracts them: You are very compassionate.
Why they stay: You are loyal to a fault.
What pushes them away: You are afraid of being too close...


What do people really think about you? by Raven319
Name: Zuli
Age:18
favorite song: Kiss From a rose
Parents think: You work too hard
Strangers think: You have bigger boobs than Pam
Friends think: You're wonderful


Does He/She Really Love You? by selfreflection
Your name: Zuli
His/Her name: Mike
Your answer...Yes, y'all are a match made in heaven.


Ur love makes a guy... by flop
Your Name...Zuli
Your Kiss...makes guys hard
Your Eyes...makes guys wanna keep on lookin
Your Boobs...Makes guys wanna turn their head
Your Ass...Makes guys wanna see ya move it slow motion
Your Laugh...is sweet and makes guys laugh with u


Theme songs of your life by eponine
your name? Zuli
love song: brown eyed girl - van morrison
depressing song: colorblind - counting crows
party song: boys of summer - the ataris
what-the-hell-ever song: the wreckoning - boomkat
your life: let's just get naked - joan osborne

Just felt like writing about little things.

School is almost out for me, Im hoping to get good grades... I really dont know how Im doing this semester but Im praying for good. I actually went to class today, we had a nice discussion and before I knew it, class was out. Im half way home, and I notice that I dont have the garage door opener or my key... hence I was locked out. So I decide to visit my dad at work, Ive never driven to dad's work place before. It was nice, I met his friends... One who jokes about being in wrecks, and another who likes to sneak up on dad and scare him, who happened to be wearing the exact same outfit as my dad. And it was totally accidental. LOL. So Daddy took me out to lunch, along with his twin hehe. We ate some subs at.. hmm, I forgot the name of the place. But yeah they were good. His friend has a good sense of humor, and I tried to be less stiff, but I find it hard to be loose and cool with strangers. I was all quiet and felt like clinging on to dad. I guess thats a sign of immaturity? I dont open up well to strangers like I used to. I mean when I met Mike I was all hyper and talkative. Im not like that anymore. Boy have I changed. Anyway, Im waitin for your call babez, then you go off to work and I fry my brain with homework. LOL. Gonna get started now, buh bai, and happy monday! :)

Site under construction.

comments not currently working. I need to learn to add comments, Ill fix it later today. Hope you like the template.

Good night world.

A Cold in The Warm Fall

It never fails hehe, how when november hits, I get sick for two or three weeks. Blah, I have drowned myself in medicine, and Im hoping to beat my time record with only one week of illness lol. Im not up for being all icky and sniffley. But anyway. I am trying to catch up on some school work today. I am taking an early childhood education course and i wasnt really into it. Meaning, Ive done nothing there since august. Thank heavens that the teach does not assign many things. All I have to do is visit some day care places and write about em. Not bad, I just feel shy tho... I dont even know why.

On other notes, things at home have been rather neat and calm. Mom has been on vacation. Ive cooked everyday for my dad and brother, (as opposed to 3 times when mommy is here, she doesnt eat what everyone else does). I've cleaned, Ive rested. Its all goood.

I miss my mom tho, even the she is a spoiled rotten brat. She is like a baby, I feel like Im raising her. She is adorable and funny, and you cant help but love her and miss her craziness ;) hehe.

Well since Im moving, my sister has made some connections for me, and I am being offered jobs at some jewelry stores. One at pentagon city and the other in springfield. I'll take pentagon, :) I like that mall better. But Im so happy, cuz my salary will be better than Ive ever had it. above $6 and hour, finally! Cheap ass springfield. Anyway, Im happy bout that. :D I thought it would be harder.

So now I need some grub lol. Very hungry.... buh bai

Growing Together

Off we went,
And on we go,
Time wisely spent,
Gone fast and slow.

Together bloom,
Seek and discover,
My handsome groom,
A perfect lover.

A ghost of me,
There floats beside you,
A vow, a creed,
I can't undo.

What lurks behind,
we told each other
Our future intertwined.
One day should the sky fall down,
We'll be strong together.

To set you free would be a waste,
For I could never find another,
Who'd love me the same way,
For me my love, there is no other.

lil Joe's Lair, One year anniversary.

Nov. 3rd 2004.

When I made this blog, I didnt know what kind of things Id write in it or if Id even keep writing in it for this long... Ive grown sentimentally attached to this blog lol. Well anyway... Just writing to recognize my blog's birthday hehe. TtYl...